Adrienne and Eric

Yesterday I had the pleasure of officiating at a surprise wedding by a beach. Bearing in mind that here in NH we have had about 8 sunny days in a month and the rest have been torrential downpour days, I was apprehensive of a beach location.
The weather gods were smiling down on us however, and the day was sunny, bright and cheerful.
The bride and groom had planned the whole thing as a cookout style party for their immediate family and the wedding was a secret.
We watched the faces of the guests as they arrived and then saw me in my robe next to Adrienne wearing a veil and holding a bouquet. I loved her outfit, almost a retro feel to the knee length dress in white with turquoise and her matching paper rose bouquet. This bride had STYLE! I loved it.
Tears were shed, hugs were given, Teddy the dog had her belly rubbed by me about 10 times…this couple had such love for each other and their families that no words, flowers, poetry or grand venues could have lived up to. The simplicity of the ceremony enhanced the joy and happiness that shone from them both at having found each other.
Congratulations Adrienne and Eric [and Teddy]!

Peter and Sharon, Tami and Adam

This event has quite the story behind it. I’ll start at the beginning.

Tami contacted me to ask if I would be available for a suprise vow renewal on her parents 40th wedding anniversary. I was, and we agreed that we liked each other and I booked the date. Her sister Paula lives in Germany and we cc’ed her on the emails so that her input was as great as ours even though she could not attend the event.

Behind the scenes Paula emailed me and asked if I would perform a surprise engagement blessing for Tami and her fiance Adam. I agreed happily. as a further surprise Paula and her son Dante were to travel to America for the event.

The plot unfolded. I worked on the vow renewal with the two sisters and on the blessing with just one sister. Being very very careful not to accidentally ‘reply to all’ on the secret ones.

The day arrived. Mom and Dad think they are just going to Grandfathers 86th Birthday celebration. I arrived, stashed my car and the archway out back, and watched them arrive to the party. Surprise! Banner proclaims ‘Happy 40th anniversay!’ flowers are presented to the couple, and there are tears. I’m thinking to myself, just wait!

Meanwhile, the engaged couple are unaware of the counterplot being hatched. I had made my booklet with the vows which I read from and then present to the couple. But, I had also made a small scroll tied with a ribbon which had the blessing on.

I assemble the arch out back, which is then carried out to the front of the building and now Mom and Dad know what is going to happen. Their faces are a sight to behold. Everyone gathers around, we have Canon in D, the couple arrive front and centre with three attendants holding flowers.

We perform the vows. There are more tears, some hugs, a few kisses. At this point we honour the deceased by having a member of the family place a rose in a memorial vase as the loved one’s name is called. 5 roses are in the vase. It is a very poignant moment. The ceremony is concluded with a dedication of love on behalf of their children, and then sealed with a kiss.

As I present the booklet to the couple I whisper to them that there is another surprise and ask them to just step back a few paces.

I call for Tami and Adam to come to the archway. Tami had no idea and for a moment didn’t quite believe it. Eventually we persuade her to come forward and I ask the couple to join hands. I announce that I have ’something else up my sleeve’ and from the sleeve of my robe I produce the scroll. I give the blessing of the engagement. And the couple seal it with a kiss.

I don’t think I have ever been hugged so hard by so many people at an event. This was truly a very loving family and they celebrated much history and the future to come at this event. It was a great honour to be part of it.

Tami and Adam with nephew Dante

Peter & sharon, very much in love after 40 years of marriage.

Lewis & Marci

June 20th 2009 – Cathedral of the Pines, Rindge, NH, USA

What a great ceremony! I’ve worked with this couple for over a year planning this day, I was almost as excited as they were. Cathedral of the Pines is a stunning location in Rindge NH, which has opened it’s grounds to wedding parties. There is an outdoor altar for which the backdrop is Mount Monadnock. It’s open to the public until 5pm in season and they rope off the path to the wedding circle while the wedding is in progress. They have gardens and a fountain of life dedicated to Nursing staff which features a sculpted tree bearing fruit in the centre. The staff are extremely professional and run everything like clockwork, so you get the feel of a park wedding with the benefits of a venue.

This ceremony was a handfasting wherin I bound the couple with 6 cords, each cord had a specific intent/vow associated with it. I had one of the wedding party carry the cords for me and hand them one at a time as  I needed them. As the entire wedding party was made up of the happy couple and their three sons, it was very intimate. The young man in charge of the cords was very solemn and undertook his duties with great aplomb.

The hand tying done, I removed the cords, still knotted and placed them on the marble altar. There was an exchange of rings which was handled by the remaining two sons, they carried and handed over the rings to each parent, and one young man gave us quite the chuckle by teasing Mom with an “uhoh!” then laughed and took out the ring.

The pronouncement made, The Cathedral bells rang 3 times and then we performed a blended family Sand Ceremony. Each member of the family had chosen a quality that they celebrated within their home.

Sand, Vase, sculptures of family

Closeup of the engraving/monogram

Closeup of the individual vials of sand

Bringing of Mother and Son to the family

Bringing of Father and two Sons to the family

The completed ceremony and braided handfasting cord

After each family member had stepped up and given their vow, the vase was sealed and the family blessed. The sand ceremony was thus concluded and the family was joined.

After the wedding party left for photos, I then completed the wedding ceremony by braiding both ends of the handfasting cords. This leaves the wedding knot in the middle of a braid. that now cannot now be undone without intent. I recommend that the couple attach a small bell to the bottom of the cord and hang it on the back of their bedroom door. If the door is slammed in anger, the bell will sound. This has a dual purpose; the sound of the bell will alert the spouse to the anger and the sound will remind the person who is angry of what brought them to that place as a married couple. The vows are in the cords and serve as a constant reminder of the intent and work needed to honour that intent.

As for the sand, the vase once sealed takes a place of honour in the household and is a daily symbol of the joining of unique individuals into a cohesive group who have chosen to share their lives with each other.

Congratulations Lewis, Marci, Brandon, Bailey and Cooper!

Jennifer and Thomas

The Library Room, view from the back

The Unity Candle Table

Looking down the aisle to the program table

Fireplace and votives

Congratulations to Thomas and Jennifer who were married on Saturday, June 6th, 2009 at the Courtyard Marriott Hotel, in Boston, MA.

The couple celebrated their ceremony in the Library Room with their friends and family. A truly beautiful setting which my amateur photographs really don’t do justice. [bridal party pics to come ]

The couple had a double ring exchange ceremony which also included a unity candle ceremony. The individual candles were lit by the couples respective mothers, and a memorial candle was honoured for the deceased.

The ceremony was simple, touching and highly emotive. The personal vows celebrated the love and respect that Thomas and Jennifer have for each other as individuals and together as husband and wife.

The reading for the ceremony was an ancient Chinese reading, which is still appropriate today in it’s wisdom.

“The key to love is understanding…

The ability to comprehend not only the spoken word,

but those unspoken gestures, the little things that say so much by themselves.

The key to love is forgiveness…

to accept each others faults and pardon mistakes,

without forgetting, but by always learning and adapting.

The key to love is sharing…

Facing your good fortunes as well as the bad, together;

both conquering problems, forever searching for ways to intensify your happiness.

The key to love is giving…

without thought of return, but with the hope of just a simple smile,

and by giving in but never giving up.

 

  

The key to love is respect…

realizing that you are two separate people with different ideas;

that you don’t belong to each other, that you belong with each other, and share a mutual bond.

The key to love is inside us all…

It takes time and patience to fully comprehend all that love can provide;

it is a continual learning process that demands a lot of work…

but the rewards are more than worth the effort…

and that is the key to love.”

Congratulations, Thomas and Jennifer!

Brian and Melissa

The Cake

Cake on Piano

Clock Tower

Reception Room

Hunt Memorial Building

Melissa and Brian, Nashua NH

Congratulations to Brian and Melissa. They were married today at the Hunt Memorial building in Nashua, NH. It was a small wedding with lots of emotion and tasteful surroundings in the historical building.

The couple took their vows in the centre of the room, with some seated family in an arc arrangement either side of the aisle. The bridesmaids and groomsmen were in opposite arc formation to complete the circle around the couple. This allowed for a very intimate sharing of the vows, and as the officiant, Iwas standing outside of the group and addressing them from the sidelines. This is a technique that I use a lot. Not only does it give the photographer lots of photo opps. without having the restriction of the Minister being in the way, but it also creates a feeling of vow taking to each other and to your friends and family. They have me as the legal/spiritual witness to their vows, but it’s their daily companions that truly matter.

A beautiful location and a stunning bride. Congratulations!

Tomorrows wedding

I was getting pretty excited about tomorrow because the couple had a sweet little ceremony planned and it’s a short wedding, minimal fuss. The exciting part was that the groom had secretly bought wedding rings that the bride had wanted but thought they could not afford. We had planned a segment of wedding drama where I was to ‘accidentally’ ask for the rings and the bride would be surprised by three men running up with rings and the last to arrive would have hers.
The ceremony is planned, printed and bound in the keepsake book with ribbons and two little gold rings, that I present to the couple once I have read from it at the wedding. It’s not going to happen.
Email arrived this morning from the groom saying he gave in and didn’t want to stress his bride on her wedding day and has presented her with the ring. Pity, I was looking forward to that. Too late to change the booklet though. So now I have to sketch out some pages with the amended ceremony and clip them to the original, so that they will have both the planned one, and the one we are now celebrating. My cut off for ceremony changes is 7 days, or updates at rehearsal. I do always make exceptions when things like this crop up. Last minute nerves make for interesting days before the actual event. My main worry is that I have prepped for this event and if I don’t attach the new sheet, I’ll go ahead and say the old format. Gotta make sure THAT doesn’t happen.
Checklist for today – steam clean Robe. Polish shoes. Double check ceremony and amendments. Sound check PA system. Pack emergency bag with candles, matches, pins, ring pillow, tissues, fake rings, snacks, water, and pens. Grooming of me and prep of outfit. That should do it. Oh, and Google the venue again to see if there have been any changes or if there are events in the area that might change my travel times.
All set!

Who pays the officiant and how much is it usually?

I’m seeing this question more and more. there is no hard and fast answer either.

In general a basic elopement or intimate wedding will cost around$75.00, bear in mind that all the figures I am giving will be estimated for New Hampshire, and other states and areas may differ. An elopement is just the two of you with maybe two witnesses if required and you will be handed a selection of vows, you pick some, and it takes about 10 minutes. Often at the officiant’s office. You don’t get to meet first, no consultation and no custom vows. Emails are encouraged to plan and of course phone calls to alleviate any nerves. I personally will travel within 3 miles to a local park or venue and still honour that fee. BUT, you get 15 minutes. There is no time for any frills. That is why it is so reasonably priced.

Officiants vary in pricing according to their experience, expertise and knowledge. It is best to contact several in your wedding area and see who you like the best. As with all business transactions, cheaper is not always a bargain. Most officiants charge mileage whether it in included in the overall price or calculated as an additional fee, it is necessary to be aware that they do have to drive to your location, often in heavy traffic and have to arrive early for your event. Often my drive time to a wedding is an hour or more, and of course the journey home. This takes the overall travel and ceremony time to about 4 hours for an average wedding. The mileage fee covers both the cost of getting to your event and the time spent.

Custom ceremonies always cost more. And there are all the add ons, rose ceremonies, sand ceremonies etc. My top level wedding fee is currently $350.00 plus mileage. It sounds like a vast sum until you consider that more than 10 hours of my time will go into this event. That changes my fee to a more reasonable sounding $35.00 per hour for a professional service. Probably the cheapest vendor at the wedding, and the only one you truly need to have!

So, who pays? Well, who is paying for the wedding? If you are paying for your own wedding it’s simple, you do. Most officiants like myself require a retainer. I use PayPal and send an invoice for 50% of the total fee as a retainer. The balance is due at least 7 days prior to the event. I used to accept cash at the wedding, and of course elopements are nearly all this way. But, it’s not very dignified trying to track down the Groom for your money on his wedding day.

If it’s a traditional wedding the Groom and his family pay. If it’s all in together, then it’s just another bill to be paid. I don’t encourage personal cheques for obvious reasons. I use a contract and the fee is stated up front. If you pay for a small simple wedding and then add on bits and extras, be prepared for the fee to go up. It often happens. I book a small wedding, charge the lower fee. Then the couple says that they have had to change the venue, and oh, there are now 200 people instead of 4. Okay, now you need to upgrade the package you bought from me, and pay the extra mileage. Why are people shocked at this?

If you think it’s just standing up and saying a few words and the amount of people who are there doesn’t count. You are very mistaken. The whole logistics of the event change, often you have to rewrite to accommodate bigger wedding party and more family references. Instead of 10 minutes it’s now an hour. And that’s when you actually get to the altar. Getting there takes 10 minutes with all the seating and walking and music. It’s reasonable to expect to pay more for an elaborate ceremony than for a simple one. It makes sense. The bigger the dress, the longer it takes the Bride to be happy with it. I have waited for 30 minutes at the altar in 90 degree heat for a Bride to be happy enough with her veil. I am dressed in a black robe, and boy, those mosquitoes love the English.

In my case, as I am a Minister it is often traditional for couples to invite myself and my husband to the wedding reception. I don’t often take the invitation. On the few occasions that I have accepted. It has been at long distance weddings where I have to travel more than 2 hours to the event. Overnight hotel stays are at the cost of the couple also. Usually the couple will ask me to travel to the venue and spend two days working with their event, have a rehearsal and then of course the ceremony. The provide a room for 2. I’m very fond of Best Western for their businesslike atmosphere and the better ones have a great breakfast. I like to keep it simple and cost effective for the couple. But if you want to invite me to Vegas for a wedding weekend, I’ll take it! I have only had one three day event, and the Groom picked up the tab for everything for my husband and myself to be there.

At my weddings the Brides are so pleased that I am often handed a small envelope. I am very strict about not opening this in public. To me, manners are all. In most cases the thank you card inside is accompanied by a gift of money. One Bride had included 50% of the wedding fee all over again! Still she insisted that I should have charged them twice as much for the wedding they enjoyed, and went on to say as much on several review sites. I have to say I was touched that I managed to make her day that special.

I don’t want to sound like it’s all about the money. It isn’t – I have donated my services many times to families who simply had no funds, and I go the extra mile by loaning ring pillows, candles, an archway and everything. Yes, I do have it all, just in case. One couple had a wedding planned and the Groom was laid off. They wanted to cancel. So I turned down their fee, asked them to get their family to arrange a BBQ, and turned up with everything and set it all up myself, with hubby for the tall stuff, she had her wedding, and my archway was in every photo. Her mom said ‘Now it looks like a REAL wedding’ once I had set it all up. Bride said nothing but sniffled a lot.

My advice; choose the officiant you like, pay what they ask. Be nice. In the end it’s down to you, your beloved, and the officiant. Front and center making your dream come true. Get it right!

Day 3 – or should that be Zero?

I did not run today. My legs are screaming. Who would have thought it would be this uncomfortable? I walked for 30 minutes again yesterday and will do so today. I really wanted to run, but I can’t risk injury. I have a wedding on Saturday. I not only have to wear heels, but to climb onto a podium. Limping in is not an option. I’ll go for a jog or bike ride tomorrow night if I can. If not, then all bets are off until Sunday. At least then I will have all week before my next wedding to recover.

I’m not discouraged. I see the pain as proof that I need to do this. From a ‘use it or lose it’ point of view, it’s time to use it. It wasn’t just the exercise that made me feel great all day. It was the fact that I actually did it. A great sense of achievement, albeit short lived. I haven’t given up yet.

So, I’ve been researching the best way to get my  fat self off the couch and into skinny jeans safely. In my previous existence as a slender waif of a track bunny, I used to subscribe to Runners World Magazine. I wondered if it was still as good as I remembered. Good news. It’s better. Thanks to the power of the InterWeb they are online with great resources for the beginning runner.

They have a marvelous shoe finder app. that will let the newbie answer a few questions and perform a wet test [leave a wet footprint on paper] so you can analyze where you put your weight. The answers you give will bring back a suitable shoe recommendation. The best investment you will ever make in running is in your shoes. Buy the best you can afford for your needs.

Racefinder, Pathfinder, Smartcoach, 8 Week Beginners Training Plan, RSS feeds and a newbie runners forum. Get on over there, it’s invaluable! Of course the magazine is still available and if you sign up now you get two trial issues. I susbcribed because I find it motivational to have in my house. I have always been a firm believer that you are what you think you are, so having runners paraphenalia around the house creates in my mind confirmation that I am a runner. What do runners do? They run. Ergo, i run.

www.runnersworld.com Have fun!

Day 2 – complete failure on the running front!

Well, as with all the best laid plans of mice and men, I messed it up. I got so engrossed in the x-files marathon we were having that I stayed up until midnight and slept right through my 5 am alarm. Unfortunately my mundane job at jolly old www.plumchoice.com was beckoning and I had to leave the house at 6 am. Needless to say I left at 6:10 am, drove to the gas station and filled my tank. Without a coat and wearing leather sandals because I had thought it was sunny again. Doh! So much for being organized.

Oh well. tomorrow is another day and tonight I will go to bed on time. Really. I will.

On the brighter side, I got an email this morning telling me that Amazon.com had picked up my book and listed it on their site. Woohoo! That was totally unexpected and wonderful. I finished the three wedding ceremonies I was working on and booked another for October. Now if only I could wake up tomorrow and find 40 pounds magickally melted away, that would be awesome!

Did I mention ow! my legs! My shins are hurting. I don’t have shin splints but they certainly know they have been used for the first time in about 10 years.

It begins….the skinny girl wants out…

It’s not a big deal really. Or so I told myself. All those wedding photos that I am in. You think it’s tough being in one lot, try being in about 10 a month. I started to get very critical of  my appearance. After all, everyone else has worked hard to look good in the pictures, why shouldn’t I?

Over the past year and a half I have had a number of surgeries and at one point became quite unwell. I was told to ‘take it easy’ on the road to becoming fit and well again. ‘About a year’ was the estimated time of expected recovery and life possibly being normal again. Well, that was 40 pounds ago. A lack of exercise is a terrible thing for a woman of 48 who is only 5 feet 2 inches tall. My wardrobe is full of cute clothes that haven’t been worn, and a big pile of baggy T shirts and leggings that are almost worn out. I’ve had enough.

A month ago I started walking every day for 30 minutes, rain or shine. I recruited a friend to walk with me. She does not like rain. So on rainy days, I walk alone. It’s actually very relaxing and therapeutic. I have always liked rain. I found that after 2 weeks I actually don’t feel as good if I don’t walk. There’s a marked difference in my day. Weight loss? Zero. But I do feel better.

I was trying to think of a way to accelerate the weight loss healthily, without a huge dietary change. i eat pretty much a meditteranean style diet, and a lot of vegan dishes so there’s not much to trim there. Then it hit me. I used to run as a teen and when my children were teens we would do ‘fun runs’ together as a family activity. Nothing serious. Just 5 miles of run til you need to walk, run some more, get a medal and/or a T shirt, feel great and go home. We used to have a rack for each of us on the wall with all these ribbons and medals hanging from them. It made us feel good and as a family activity it was a pretty even field. [of course they used to have to wait for mom].

So this is my goal. I want to go from 167 pounds to 125 pounds. Who is with me?

Today is day 1. I got up at 5 am and ran for 15 minutes. Well, I call it running. It was more of a run, wheeze, walk, jog, wheeze, wonder what the heck I am doing out of bed, run, limp, wheeze, walk, run. My legs got so wobbly that I thought they might give out, and my arms burned. Bear in mind that I had taken the wise step of wrapping my chest with a big ace bandage to keep ‘the girls’ under control. So here I am. Fresh spring morning, fat flying in the breeze, bandaged like a mummy. Wheezing and puffing like the big bad wolf at the pigs house.

I finally made it home and those stairs looked like the side of a mountain. Each leg felt like ti weighed 60 pounds on its own. A nice cooling shower, all scrubbed up and clean, and wow, the energy. I do hurt and ache, don’t get me wrong, and tomorrow I will probably suffer more. Will I be out again in the morning. You betcha!