Adrienne and Eric

Yesterday I had the pleasure of officiating at a surprise wedding by a beach. Bearing in mind that here in NH we have had about 8 sunny days in a month and the rest have been torrential downpour days, I was apprehensive of a beach location.
The weather gods were smiling down on us however, and the day was sunny, bright and cheerful.
The bride and groom had planned the whole thing as a cookout style party for their immediate family and the wedding was a secret.
We watched the faces of the guests as they arrived and then saw me in my robe next to Adrienne wearing a veil and holding a bouquet. I loved her outfit, almost a retro feel to the knee length dress in white with turquoise and her matching paper rose bouquet. This bride had STYLE! I loved it.
Tears were shed, hugs were given, Teddy the dog had her belly rubbed by me about 10 times…this couple had such love for each other and their families that no words, flowers, poetry or grand venues could have lived up to. The simplicity of the ceremony enhanced the joy and happiness that shone from them both at having found each other.
Congratulations Adrienne and Eric [and Teddy]!

Peter and Sharon, Tami and Adam

This event has quite the story behind it. I’ll start at the beginning.

Tami contacted me to ask if I would be available for a suprise vow renewal on her parents 40th wedding anniversary. I was, and we agreed that we liked each other and I booked the date. Her sister Paula lives in Germany and we cc’ed her on the emails so that her input was as great as ours even though she could not attend the event.

Behind the scenes Paula emailed me and asked if I would perform a surprise engagement blessing for Tami and her fiance Adam. I agreed happily. as a further surprise Paula and her son Dante were to travel to America for the event.

The plot unfolded. I worked on the vow renewal with the two sisters and on the blessing with just one sister. Being very very careful not to accidentally ‘reply to all’ on the secret ones.

The day arrived. Mom and Dad think they are just going to Grandfathers 86th Birthday celebration. I arrived, stashed my car and the archway out back, and watched them arrive to the party. Surprise! Banner proclaims ‘Happy 40th anniversay!’ flowers are presented to the couple, and there are tears. I’m thinking to myself, just wait!

Meanwhile, the engaged couple are unaware of the counterplot being hatched. I had made my booklet with the vows which I read from and then present to the couple. But, I had also made a small scroll tied with a ribbon which had the blessing on.

I assemble the arch out back, which is then carried out to the front of the building and now Mom and Dad know what is going to happen. Their faces are a sight to behold. Everyone gathers around, we have Canon in D, the couple arrive front and centre with three attendants holding flowers.

We perform the vows. There are more tears, some hugs, a few kisses. At this point we honour the deceased by having a member of the family place a rose in a memorial vase as the loved one’s name is called. 5 roses are in the vase. It is a very poignant moment. The ceremony is concluded with a dedication of love on behalf of their children, and then sealed with a kiss.

As I present the booklet to the couple I whisper to them that there is another surprise and ask them to just step back a few paces.

I call for Tami and Adam to come to the archway. Tami had no idea and for a moment didn’t quite believe it. Eventually we persuade her to come forward and I ask the couple to join hands. I announce that I have ’something else up my sleeve’ and from the sleeve of my robe I produce the scroll. I give the blessing of the engagement. And the couple seal it with a kiss.

I don’t think I have ever been hugged so hard by so many people at an event. This was truly a very loving family and they celebrated much history and the future to come at this event. It was a great honour to be part of it.

Tami and Adam with nephew Dante

Peter & sharon, very much in love after 40 years of marriage.

Lewis & Marci

June 20th 2009 – Cathedral of the Pines, Rindge, NH, USA

What a great ceremony! I’ve worked with this couple for over a year planning this day, I was almost as excited as they were. Cathedral of the Pines is a stunning location in Rindge NH, which has opened it’s grounds to wedding parties. There is an outdoor altar for which the backdrop is Mount Monadnock. It’s open to the public until 5pm in season and they rope off the path to the wedding circle while the wedding is in progress. They have gardens and a fountain of life dedicated to Nursing staff which features a sculpted tree bearing fruit in the centre. The staff are extremely professional and run everything like clockwork, so you get the feel of a park wedding with the benefits of a venue.

This ceremony was a handfasting wherin I bound the couple with 6 cords, each cord had a specific intent/vow associated with it. I had one of the wedding party carry the cords for me and hand them one at a time as  I needed them. As the entire wedding party was made up of the happy couple and their three sons, it was very intimate. The young man in charge of the cords was very solemn and undertook his duties with great aplomb.

The hand tying done, I removed the cords, still knotted and placed them on the marble altar. There was an exchange of rings which was handled by the remaining two sons, they carried and handed over the rings to each parent, and one young man gave us quite the chuckle by teasing Mom with an “uhoh!” then laughed and took out the ring.

The pronouncement made, The Cathedral bells rang 3 times and then we performed a blended family Sand Ceremony. Each member of the family had chosen a quality that they celebrated within their home.

Sand, Vase, sculptures of family

Closeup of the engraving/monogram

Closeup of the individual vials of sand

Bringing of Mother and Son to the family

Bringing of Father and two Sons to the family

The completed ceremony and braided handfasting cord

After each family member had stepped up and given their vow, the vase was sealed and the family blessed. The sand ceremony was thus concluded and the family was joined.

After the wedding party left for photos, I then completed the wedding ceremony by braiding both ends of the handfasting cords. This leaves the wedding knot in the middle of a braid. that now cannot now be undone without intent. I recommend that the couple attach a small bell to the bottom of the cord and hang it on the back of their bedroom door. If the door is slammed in anger, the bell will sound. This has a dual purpose; the sound of the bell will alert the spouse to the anger and the sound will remind the person who is angry of what brought them to that place as a married couple. The vows are in the cords and serve as a constant reminder of the intent and work needed to honour that intent.

As for the sand, the vase once sealed takes a place of honour in the household and is a daily symbol of the joining of unique individuals into a cohesive group who have chosen to share their lives with each other.

Congratulations Lewis, Marci, Brandon, Bailey and Cooper!

Jennifer and Thomas

The Library Room, view from the back

The Unity Candle Table

Looking down the aisle to the program table

Fireplace and votives

Congratulations to Thomas and Jennifer who were married on Saturday, June 6th, 2009 at the Courtyard Marriott Hotel, in Boston, MA.

The couple celebrated their ceremony in the Library Room with their friends and family. A truly beautiful setting which my amateur photographs really don’t do justice. [from Bride :

Thanks Debi! The link to our professional wedding photos is: http://www.theprosphotos.com

Go to the Guests login and enter June, 2009, and Jennifer or Thomas, then click on the link with our names]

The couple had a double ring exchange ceremony which also included a unity candle ceremony. The individual candles were lit by the couples respective mothers, and a memorial candle was honoured for the deceased.

The ceremony was simple, touching and highly emotive. The personal vows celebrated the love and respect that Thomas and Jennifer have for each other as individuals and together as husband and wife.

The reading for the ceremony was an ancient Chinese reading, which is still appropriate today in it’s wisdom.

“The key to love is understanding…

The ability to comprehend not only the spoken word,

but those unspoken gestures, the little things that say so much by themselves.

The key to love is forgiveness…

to accept each others faults and pardon mistakes,

without forgetting, but by always learning and adapting.

The key to love is sharing…

Facing your good fortunes as well as the bad, together;

both conquering problems, forever searching for ways to intensify your happiness.

The key to love is giving…

without thought of return, but with the hope of just a simple smile,

and by giving in but never giving up.

The key to love is respect…

realizing that you are two separate people with different ideas;

that you don’t belong to each other, that you belong with each other, and share a mutual bond.

The key to love is inside us all…

It takes time and patience to fully comprehend all that love can provide;

it is a continual learning process that demands a lot of work…

but the rewards are more than worth the effort…

and that is the key to love.”

Congratulations, Thomas and Jennifer!

Who pays for what?

From the tarot card wedding

Often the question if posed to me about who pays for what in a wedding. These days couples tend to cover the costs themselves or in collaboration with family but the following is a list of the traditional expectations for those who want a little guidance.

You and/or your family

• Invitations and announcements
• Engagement party
• Flowers for ceremony and reception
• Musicians and/or entertainment
• Groom’s gift
• Groom’s wedding ring
• Gifts for bride’s attendants
• Attendants party
• Medical exam and blood test where needed
• Thank you notes
• Wedding gift book
• Wedding guest book
• Wedding dress, veil and accessories, trousseau
• Rental fee for site and all gratuities
• Rental of aisle runner, ribbons, canopy, tent or other accessories
• All photography
• Lodging for bridesmaids
• Transportation for wedding party
• All reception expenses
• Rehearsal party
• Bridal consultant’s fee
• Valet parking services

Groom and/or his family

• Engagement and wedding rings
• Medical exam and blood test where needed
• Marriage license
• Officiant’s fee
• Gifts for groom’s attendants
• Flowers for bride, bridal party, mothers, grandmothers and honoured guests
• Boutonnieres for groom’s attendants
• His wedding attire
• Lodging for ushers
• Honeymoon

Attendants

• Travel expenses
• Wedding attire
• Parties or entertainment for the couple

A cute home wedding.

Last weekend I received a call from a young lady who was thinking of getting married ‘in the next few days’. she asked that I call her back. We played phone tag for a while, and when I eventually reached her she explained that they just wanted to get married with no or minimal fuss. I asked a few vital questions. Do you know what you want to say? No, just bring whatever you usually do. Do you want a civil or religious? Well, the grooms parents are Baptists, so we’ll have a religious ceremony please. What day? Wednesday. What time? Noon. Do you have your license? Yes. Okay, see you then.

How easy was that? I wish they all went that way.

I arrived at the parents home early to have the couple look over the ceremony that I had written for them. They were very calm and both approved the ceremony with no changes required. Introductions were made. We chose an indoor location as it was very, very, very cold outside. Gotta love New England in November. Father of the groom took photos of the 5 people in the room. I waited until everyone was settled. Couple were in front of a fireplace decorated with wedding balloons. The ceremony began and when it came to the vows, the bride shed a few tears. We paused for her groom to comfort her and I always encourage hugs. Concluded the ceremony, and everyone was happy. I gave them a printed copy of their vows on rose paper, for scrapbooking or framing purposes. And that was that!

For a hassle free wedding at very low cost, they were just as married as the couples spending thousands. A very smart move in todays economy. And a very nice couple with a great future ahead of them. Location? Hollis, NH. Beautifully decorated NE house with an antique sled as a coffee table and surrounded by loving parents. Nice.

Chapel wedding in New London, NH

I was recently contacted by a very nice young couple who had planned a wedding, but had no officiant and only 2 weeks to go. I was available on the date that they needed. Unfortunately the bride wanted a rehearsal and I was fully booked the day before. New London is about an hour and a half away from me, so it would be a 4 hour turnaround for each day. I assured them that I could get them scripted well enough that they wouldn’t need me, but the bride became nervous. They offered to book me into a local inn for the night, but that didn’t work with my obligations. So, I calculated that if I only had 5 hours sleep, drove there, limited rehearsal time strictly to one hour, drove back, gathered my energies, drove the 40 miles in the opposite direction, I could make it to my next appointment with 15 minutes grace. Phew!

Of course, this is November and weather can be a nightmare. So fingers crossed! The day dawned with the promise of rain. November rain, the type that slows you down, makes visibility an issue and would mess up my plans entirely. I set out on my journey with a ‘Que Sera’ attitude, and plenty of bottled water. As luck would have it, New London is located such that I had to drive most of the time on my favourite stretch of road which is I-89. That road is truly a pleasure, fast, straight and not too busy. I arrived at the rehearsal, it went smoothly, I jumped in my car and headed back. I made it with 10 minutes to spare.

The next day was way more relaxed. Still raining, but no urgency, I had extra time to allow myself. I do have a unique style to my weddings which puzzles people until after the event. But everytime I complete the ceremony, the family come up to me and tell me how wonderful it was. I like to create a focus of the couple being centre stage, but also to make the ceremony intimate to the guests, as if they are right there with them. No matter how many guests there are, it always works well. Basically it boils down to me having the atmosphere of them standing in front of their family to make their vows, rather than in front of me and the family as witnesses.

All went well, and the entire chapel was filled with sniffles as they gave their personal vows to each other. Personal, heartfelt and sincere words are the best vows that can be made. I had to pause for a breath before continuing after watching this couple pour out their hearts to each other. All in all, I was very glad that I made the effort to help the bride feel better on the day. And she was stunning. Even better, the groom and his groomsmen all wore suits and Chucky T’s. LOL..

As promised..the Tarot Card Wedding Vows

The tarot card table layout on a moss runner

hanging tapestries

I would like to welcome you all here today for a very special occasion.
The creation of a new power in the universe by the joining in marriage of Christina and Brian.
As you know this union has been fated to take place on a night when the moon and the sun share the same place in our sky.
Throughout history Solar eclipses have been seen as momentous happenings, and it is only fitting that such an event be used to mark this joyous occasion.
People from all cultures have evolved their own beliefs around eclipses. Before their occurrence could be accurately predicted, it must have seemed an amazing random celestial event. No wonder it inspired imaginations,  especially in Egypt.

The Egyptian sun god Ra, traveled across the sky in his sun boat, and at night he passed through the underworld, greeting the dead and facing many dangers. Ra’s daily cycle was more than a journey, though—it was a daily rebirth. Dawn saw the newborn sun god rise in the sky. During the morning he was a child, at noon he was mature, and by sunset he was an old man ready for death. Each sunrise was a celebration of the god’s return, a victory of life over the forces of death and darkness. They worshipped the Sun with daily prayer.

“Thou risest in heaven’s horizon , and thy disk is adored when it resteth upon the mountain to give life unto the world.
Thou risest, thou risest, and thou comest forth from the god Nun. Thou dost renew thy youth and thou dost set thyself in the place where thou wast yesterday . O thou divine child, who didst create thyself, I am unable to describe thee.”

Christina and Brian welcomed with joy the rebirth of the Sun today, as it heralded the beginning of a new phase in their lives, one in which they shall move forward together. Each day they will rise with the Sun and each day shall their love be renewed. Their marriage will be as a new child that they are blessed with each morning and nurture through to the day’s end.

In keeping with the portents and omens that the solar eclipse inspires, we are sharing Christina and Brian’s vows with you in a unique fashion, with a reading of cards.

Our first card is the Sun which signifies power and genesis. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to work together to create a powerful marriage, to nurture that which is creative and to support each other in your endeavors?
B&C We do
Our second card is the Hanged Man which signifies transcendence and evolution. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to work together to overcome difficulties, to forgive small mistakes and use your life experiences in the evolution of your marriage?
B&C We do
Our third card is Strength which signifies endurance and fortitude. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to be strong for each other in all things. In sickness, and in health, through good times and bad?
B&C We do
Our fourth card is the Wheel of Fortune which signifies the cycles of life and fate. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to grow with the cycles of your lives together, to learn from each other, and to accept that life is not always easy and straightforward, but throws challenges to you to test your love?
B&C We do
Our fifth card is the Fool which signifies the exploring wanderer. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to give each other the dignity of growing and evolving as an individual, for although you are one couple, you are two bodies and two minds.?
B&C We do
Our sixth card is Judgment which signifies awakening and metamorphosis. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to help each other during difficult times. To make good decisions and to sometimes admit that the other is right?
B&C We do
Our seventh card is the Moon which signifies  lunacy and delusion. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to each guide the other and offer a shoulder to cry on when everything seems bleak, and two arms to lift each other up when you are down?
B&C We do
Our last card is the Star which signifies the celestial. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to treat each day together as a gift, to let your love shine brightly and to stand as a beacon of togetherness?
B&C We do
Do we have the rings?
Brian place ring on Christina’s hand..
“with this ring I promise you the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and a world filled with love as my wife”

Christina place ring on Brian’s hand..
“with this ring I promise you the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and a world filled with love as my Husband”

Closing

In much of the world it is still common practice to make
noise to frighten away whatever is attacking the Sun or Moon.
It’s common to yell, chant, bang pots, and shoot into the air during an eclipse. Today we are going to make noise at the Eclipse to let the universe know that Christina and Brian are now amongst the forces to be reckoned with. Individually strong, but together; unstoppable.
By the power vested in me by the State of New Hampshire, I now declare you husband and wife.
You make kiss the bride.
I present  to you Mr and Mrs L
Lets make some noise!

Bride and Groom

Blended families…

Often there are couples getting married for the second time and they have families being blended together by the ceremony. These families can include children from previous relationships and sometimes adopted children.

There are many ways to celebrate the blending; sand ceremonies, flower ceremonies, medallion ceremonies, pouring ceremonies and of course, vow taking. I have performed many ceremonies in this fashion and it is a touching and heartfelt way of showing to the world that you are in fact, not just signing a paper to make it all ‘legal’ or the two people ‘just happen’ to have more to them. The faces of younger children standing in their designated spots waiting to be part of this momentous occasion say it all.

At one wedding, which was outdoors on a private lake front beach [very tiny], the children were small. There was one child from the mother and two from the father. The children were solemn, dignified and poured their sand as if each grain was indeed a part of their spirit. They were thrilled with the large container that had a part of each of them in it, blended in an harmonious pattern. We later poured sealing wax on the top of the bottle to close it. Normally I use a stopper that can be waxed in, but with really small children the neck of the container should be large to give them a better aim. Just fill the top with melted wax. Many onlookers came up to me after the ceremony and told me how touching the sight had been, and the ceremony would remain in their minds and hearts for it’s beauty. As an officiant it is wonderful to hear that the emotions intended to be expressed, had been interpreted successfully.

Performing a blending ceremony is not just for weddings…if you are welcoming new members to your family, through birth, adoption, fostering etc., it makes a great day and warms the hearts of those involved.

Sand Ceremony

After the minister reads the statement below, pour two containers of sand into a third, wide- mouthed, container simultaneously:
_______________ and ______________, today you join your separate lives together. The two separate bottles of sand symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate sets of friends. They represent all that you are and all that you’ll ever be as an individual. They also represent your lives before today. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the individual containers of sand will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will your marriage be.

OR

Marriage is a promise, made in the hearts of two people who love each other, which takes a lifetime to fulfill. Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other’s lover, teacher, listener, critic, and best friend.

It is into this state that Bryan and Alexandra wish to enter, and create together a new family that includes their love of A, F, B and J….To celebrate this special bond I would like to invite the new family to perform a Sand Ceremony to signify that once joined, each of them remains as individual as a grain of sand, and yet once blended are inseparable for all time.

I place a layer of white sand to signify that Love has blessed this union and that Love is a basis upon which we build. Bryan and Alex, I ask you to add sand to signify yourselves and the bond of love that shall not be undone and which is the strength and foundation of this new family, Children, I ask you to add your sand to complete the family that once joined shall never be separated. I add the final layer to seal the bond that this new family has created. With love this bond is made.From this day forward they shall be a family whose strength is founded upon love, friendship, honor and trust.

I highly recommend sand ceremonies as they easy to prepare and can be done over if there is an accident. They are much safer than candles where children are concerned.

Sleep…the final frontier…

One of the things I have been told most often by my brides is that stress robs them of their rest time. It’s a bit of a catch 22, because the less they sleep, the more they worry and the more they worry, the less they sleep.

One bride to be can no longer wear her hair down as most of it is falling out! There’s so much to organize and then you are supposed to look your best ever, for the pictures. Tough call.

There are ways to cut down on the stress. Even for those who cannot hire professionals to do it for them.

Delegate -  it’s hard to do, but ask another person to take responsibility for one of the tasks, like the limo hire or the flowers. Then trust them completely. No second guessing. If you chose them to do it, there was a trust there already and you have to stay true to that. Ask them to have it all done by a certain date, tell them your budget and requirements and have them make a file. When it’s all done, they simply hand you the file. Task completed. Moms, dads, sisters, brothers, best friends…rope them in.

Eat Well -  Fruit and veggies are your best friends. Take a vitamin supplement. Your B vitamins control your nervous system and can calm your nerves. The ACE antioxidants will help you look better and your skin will thank you. C will also keep you well. Take a fish oil capsule before you go to bed at night for clear thinking processes.

Drink Water -  Not only will skin and hair shine, but you will lose weight too. Lots and lots of water. Not the 300 calories a bottle kind, but good old fashioned plain H2O.

Give it up – If you can’t have it, let it go. No shade of peach just right, get the other one. No sky blue limo? Get the white one. No fuschia victorian lace gowns? Get the other ones. Too much moula for the room you wanted? Find somewhere else. Do NOT create problems where there are none.

Relax -  meditation, massages, bubble baths, drinking chamomile tea. Whatever it takes, do it once a week. No excuses.