Adrienne and Eric

Yesterday I had the pleasure of officiating at a surprise wedding by a beach. Bearing in mind that here in NH we have had about 8 sunny days in a month and the rest have been torrential downpour days, I was apprehensive of a beach location.
The weather gods were smiling down on us however, and the day was sunny, bright and cheerful.
The bride and groom had planned the whole thing as a cookout style party for their immediate family and the wedding was a secret.
We watched the faces of the guests as they arrived and then saw me in my robe next to Adrienne wearing a veil and holding a bouquet. I loved her outfit, almost a retro feel to the knee length dress in white with turquoise and her matching paper rose bouquet. This bride had STYLE! I loved it.
Tears were shed, hugs were given, Teddy the dog had her belly rubbed by me about 10 times…this couple had such love for each other and their families that no words, flowers, poetry or grand venues could have lived up to. The simplicity of the ceremony enhanced the joy and happiness that shone from them both at having found each other.
Congratulations Adrienne and Eric [and Teddy]!

Peter and Sharon, Tami and Adam

This event has quite the story behind it. I’ll start at the beginning.

Tami contacted me to ask if I would be available for a suprise vow renewal on her parents 40th wedding anniversary. I was, and we agreed that we liked each other and I booked the date. Her sister Paula lives in Germany and we cc’ed her on the emails so that her input was as great as ours even though she could not attend the event.

Behind the scenes Paula emailed me and asked if I would perform a surprise engagement blessing for Tami and her fiance Adam. I agreed happily. as a further surprise Paula and her son Dante were to travel to America for the event.

The plot unfolded. I worked on the vow renewal with the two sisters and on the blessing with just one sister. Being very very careful not to accidentally ‘reply to all’ on the secret ones.

The day arrived. Mom and Dad think they are just going to Grandfathers 86th Birthday celebration. I arrived, stashed my car and the archway out back, and watched them arrive to the party. Surprise! Banner proclaims ‘Happy 40th anniversay!’ flowers are presented to the couple, and there are tears. I’m thinking to myself, just wait!

Meanwhile, the engaged couple are unaware of the counterplot being hatched. I had made my booklet with the vows which I read from and then present to the couple. But, I had also made a small scroll tied with a ribbon which had the blessing on.

I assemble the arch out back, which is then carried out to the front of the building and now Mom and Dad know what is going to happen. Their faces are a sight to behold. Everyone gathers around, we have Canon in D, the couple arrive front and centre with three attendants holding flowers.

We perform the vows. There are more tears, some hugs, a few kisses. At this point we honour the deceased by having a member of the family place a rose in a memorial vase as the loved one’s name is called. 5 roses are in the vase. It is a very poignant moment. The ceremony is concluded with a dedication of love on behalf of their children, and then sealed with a kiss.

As I present the booklet to the couple I whisper to them that there is another surprise and ask them to just step back a few paces.

I call for Tami and Adam to come to the archway. Tami had no idea and for a moment didn’t quite believe it. Eventually we persuade her to come forward and I ask the couple to join hands. I announce that I have ’something else up my sleeve’ and from the sleeve of my robe I produce the scroll. I give the blessing of the engagement. And the couple seal it with a kiss.

I don’t think I have ever been hugged so hard by so many people at an event. This was truly a very loving family and they celebrated much history and the future to come at this event. It was a great honour to be part of it.

Tami and Adam with nephew Dante

Peter & sharon, very much in love after 40 years of marriage.

Lewis & Marci

June 20th 2009 – Cathedral of the Pines, Rindge, NH, USA

What a great ceremony! I’ve worked with this couple for over a year planning this day, I was almost as excited as they were. Cathedral of the Pines is a stunning location in Rindge NH, which has opened it’s grounds to wedding parties. There is an outdoor altar for which the backdrop is Mount Monadnock. It’s open to the public until 5pm in season and they rope off the path to the wedding circle while the wedding is in progress. They have gardens and a fountain of life dedicated to Nursing staff which features a sculpted tree bearing fruit in the centre. The staff are extremely professional and run everything like clockwork, so you get the feel of a park wedding with the benefits of a venue.

This ceremony was a handfasting wherin I bound the couple with 6 cords, each cord had a specific intent/vow associated with it. I had one of the wedding party carry the cords for me and hand them one at a time as  I needed them. As the entire wedding party was made up of the happy couple and their three sons, it was very intimate. The young man in charge of the cords was very solemn and undertook his duties with great aplomb.

The hand tying done, I removed the cords, still knotted and placed them on the marble altar. There was an exchange of rings which was handled by the remaining two sons, they carried and handed over the rings to each parent, and one young man gave us quite the chuckle by teasing Mom with an “uhoh!” then laughed and took out the ring.

The pronouncement made, The Cathedral bells rang 3 times and then we performed a blended family Sand Ceremony. Each member of the family had chosen a quality that they celebrated within their home.

Sand, Vase, sculptures of family

Closeup of the engraving/monogram

Closeup of the individual vials of sand

Bringing of Mother and Son to the family

Bringing of Father and two Sons to the family

The completed ceremony and braided handfasting cord

After each family member had stepped up and given their vow, the vase was sealed and the family blessed. The sand ceremony was thus concluded and the family was joined.

After the wedding party left for photos, I then completed the wedding ceremony by braiding both ends of the handfasting cords. This leaves the wedding knot in the middle of a braid. that now cannot now be undone without intent. I recommend that the couple attach a small bell to the bottom of the cord and hang it on the back of their bedroom door. If the door is slammed in anger, the bell will sound. This has a dual purpose; the sound of the bell will alert the spouse to the anger and the sound will remind the person who is angry of what brought them to that place as a married couple. The vows are in the cords and serve as a constant reminder of the intent and work needed to honour that intent.

As for the sand, the vase once sealed takes a place of honour in the household and is a daily symbol of the joining of unique individuals into a cohesive group who have chosen to share their lives with each other.

Congratulations Lewis, Marci, Brandon, Bailey and Cooper!

Jennifer and Thomas

The Library Room, view from the back

The Unity Candle Table

Looking down the aisle to the program table

Fireplace and votives

Congratulations to Thomas and Jennifer who were married on Saturday, June 6th, 2009 at the Courtyard Marriott Hotel, in Boston, MA.

The couple celebrated their ceremony in the Library Room with their friends and family. A truly beautiful setting which my amateur photographs really don’t do justice. [from Bride :

Thanks Debi! The link to our professional wedding photos is: http://www.theprosphotos.com

Go to the Guests login and enter June, 2009, and Jennifer or Thomas, then click on the link with our names]

The couple had a double ring exchange ceremony which also included a unity candle ceremony. The individual candles were lit by the couples respective mothers, and a memorial candle was honoured for the deceased.

The ceremony was simple, touching and highly emotive. The personal vows celebrated the love and respect that Thomas and Jennifer have for each other as individuals and together as husband and wife.

The reading for the ceremony was an ancient Chinese reading, which is still appropriate today in it’s wisdom.

“The key to love is understanding…

The ability to comprehend not only the spoken word,

but those unspoken gestures, the little things that say so much by themselves.

The key to love is forgiveness…

to accept each others faults and pardon mistakes,

without forgetting, but by always learning and adapting.

The key to love is sharing…

Facing your good fortunes as well as the bad, together;

both conquering problems, forever searching for ways to intensify your happiness.

The key to love is giving…

without thought of return, but with the hope of just a simple smile,

and by giving in but never giving up.

The key to love is respect…

realizing that you are two separate people with different ideas;

that you don’t belong to each other, that you belong with each other, and share a mutual bond.

The key to love is inside us all…

It takes time and patience to fully comprehend all that love can provide;

it is a continual learning process that demands a lot of work…

but the rewards are more than worth the effort…

and that is the key to love.”

Congratulations, Thomas and Jennifer!

Who pays for what?

From the tarot card wedding

Often the question if posed to me about who pays for what in a wedding. These days couples tend to cover the costs themselves or in collaboration with family but the following is a list of the traditional expectations for those who want a little guidance.

You and/or your family

• Invitations and announcements
• Engagement party
• Flowers for ceremony and reception
• Musicians and/or entertainment
• Groom’s gift
• Groom’s wedding ring
• Gifts for bride’s attendants
• Attendants party
• Medical exam and blood test where needed
• Thank you notes
• Wedding gift book
• Wedding guest book
• Wedding dress, veil and accessories, trousseau
• Rental fee for site and all gratuities
• Rental of aisle runner, ribbons, canopy, tent or other accessories
• All photography
• Lodging for bridesmaids
• Transportation for wedding party
• All reception expenses
• Rehearsal party
• Bridal consultant’s fee
• Valet parking services

Groom and/or his family

• Engagement and wedding rings
• Medical exam and blood test where needed
• Marriage license
• Officiant’s fee
• Gifts for groom’s attendants
• Flowers for bride, bridal party, mothers, grandmothers and honoured guests
• Boutonnieres for groom’s attendants
• His wedding attire
• Lodging for ushers
• Honeymoon

Attendants

• Travel expenses
• Wedding attire
• Parties or entertainment for the couple

A cute home wedding.

Last weekend I received a call from a young lady who was thinking of getting married ‘in the next few days’. she asked that I call her back. We played phone tag for a while, and when I eventually reached her she explained that they just wanted to get married with no or minimal fuss. I asked a few vital questions. Do you know what you want to say? No, just bring whatever you usually do. Do you want a civil or religious? Well, the grooms parents are Baptists, so we’ll have a religious ceremony please. What day? Wednesday. What time? Noon. Do you have your license? Yes. Okay, see you then.

How easy was that? I wish they all went that way.

I arrived at the parents home early to have the couple look over the ceremony that I had written for them. They were very calm and both approved the ceremony with no changes required. Introductions were made. We chose an indoor location as it was very, very, very cold outside. Gotta love New England in November. Father of the groom took photos of the 5 people in the room. I waited until everyone was settled. Couple were in front of a fireplace decorated with wedding balloons. The ceremony began and when it came to the vows, the bride shed a few tears. We paused for her groom to comfort her and I always encourage hugs. Concluded the ceremony, and everyone was happy. I gave them a printed copy of their vows on rose paper, for scrapbooking or framing purposes. And that was that!

For a hassle free wedding at very low cost, they were just as married as the couples spending thousands. A very smart move in todays economy. And a very nice couple with a great future ahead of them. Location? Hollis, NH. Beautifully decorated NE house with an antique sled as a coffee table and surrounded by loving parents. Nice.

As promised..the Tarot Card Wedding Vows

The tarot card table layout on a moss runner

hanging tapestries

I would like to welcome you all here today for a very special occasion.
The creation of a new power in the universe by the joining in marriage of Christina and Brian.
As you know this union has been fated to take place on a night when the moon and the sun share the same place in our sky.
Throughout history Solar eclipses have been seen as momentous happenings, and it is only fitting that such an event be used to mark this joyous occasion.
People from all cultures have evolved their own beliefs around eclipses. Before their occurrence could be accurately predicted, it must have seemed an amazing random celestial event. No wonder it inspired imaginations,  especially in Egypt.

The Egyptian sun god Ra, traveled across the sky in his sun boat, and at night he passed through the underworld, greeting the dead and facing many dangers. Ra’s daily cycle was more than a journey, though—it was a daily rebirth. Dawn saw the newborn sun god rise in the sky. During the morning he was a child, at noon he was mature, and by sunset he was an old man ready for death. Each sunrise was a celebration of the god’s return, a victory of life over the forces of death and darkness. They worshipped the Sun with daily prayer.

“Thou risest in heaven’s horizon , and thy disk is adored when it resteth upon the mountain to give life unto the world.
Thou risest, thou risest, and thou comest forth from the god Nun. Thou dost renew thy youth and thou dost set thyself in the place where thou wast yesterday . O thou divine child, who didst create thyself, I am unable to describe thee.”

Christina and Brian welcomed with joy the rebirth of the Sun today, as it heralded the beginning of a new phase in their lives, one in which they shall move forward together. Each day they will rise with the Sun and each day shall their love be renewed. Their marriage will be as a new child that they are blessed with each morning and nurture through to the day’s end.

In keeping with the portents and omens that the solar eclipse inspires, we are sharing Christina and Brian’s vows with you in a unique fashion, with a reading of cards.

Our first card is the Sun which signifies power and genesis. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to work together to create a powerful marriage, to nurture that which is creative and to support each other in your endeavors?
B&C We do
Our second card is the Hanged Man which signifies transcendence and evolution. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to work together to overcome difficulties, to forgive small mistakes and use your life experiences in the evolution of your marriage?
B&C We do
Our third card is Strength which signifies endurance and fortitude. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to be strong for each other in all things. In sickness, and in health, through good times and bad?
B&C We do
Our fourth card is the Wheel of Fortune which signifies the cycles of life and fate. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to grow with the cycles of your lives together, to learn from each other, and to accept that life is not always easy and straightforward, but throws challenges to you to test your love?
B&C We do
Our fifth card is the Fool which signifies the exploring wanderer. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to give each other the dignity of growing and evolving as an individual, for although you are one couple, you are two bodies and two minds.?
B&C We do
Our sixth card is Judgment which signifies awakening and metamorphosis. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to help each other during difficult times. To make good decisions and to sometimes admit that the other is right?
B&C We do
Our seventh card is the Moon which signifies  lunacy and delusion. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to each guide the other and offer a shoulder to cry on when everything seems bleak, and two arms to lift each other up when you are down?
B&C We do
Our last card is the Star which signifies the celestial. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to treat each day together as a gift, to let your love shine brightly and to stand as a beacon of togetherness?
B&C We do
Do we have the rings?
Brian place ring on Christina’s hand..
“with this ring I promise you the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and a world filled with love as my wife”

Christina place ring on Brian’s hand..
“with this ring I promise you the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and a world filled with love as my Husband”

Closing

In much of the world it is still common practice to make
noise to frighten away whatever is attacking the Sun or Moon.
It’s common to yell, chant, bang pots, and shoot into the air during an eclipse. Today we are going to make noise at the Eclipse to let the universe know that Christina and Brian are now amongst the forces to be reckoned with. Individually strong, but together; unstoppable.
By the power vested in me by the State of New Hampshire, I now declare you husband and wife.
You make kiss the bride.
I present  to you Mr and Mrs L
Lets make some noise!

Bride and Groom

The ‘Big Five’……….

1. WHEN
2. HOW
3. COST
4. GUESTS
5. LOCATION

When….
In considering your date, there’s a few things to remember. Some times of year cost more, your budget will have to cover the extra venue and vendor costs. The expected climate will impact upon your location as well as special holidays or religious festivals. You don’t particularly want a park wedding on July 4th weekend, for example. Also consider that some family and friends have obligations to keep with their own families. Thanksgiving weddings may not be attended by anyone other than family. If you want a cheaper wedding, then a weekday ceremony would be cheaper, with the reception held at the weekend if you want full attendance. It pays to be flexible. You can have your glamorous party and still cut costs on the small stuff. One wedding I officiated was held in one state during the week, and the party was in another and was two whole days. The money saved on the ceremony and the travel costs for the family ended up in the thousands and no-one missed out on a thing.

How…
What style of wedding would you like? Also, would you like religious, civil or spiritual? The formality of the wedding tends to vary with the style you choose. In big church weddings, for example, there is often a ritualistic aspect to the wedding and a protocol other than just etiquette to be followed. Civil weddings tend to be less rigid but also quicker and more of a recitation of vows to legalize the commitment followed by the real party. A spiritual ceremony tends to combine aspects of both, but can work out less stressful as it can be customized to fit your personal wishes and belief systems. This is particularly helpful in those cases wherein there are more than one or two faiths within the new family unit.

Often your type of ceremony will dictate the attire, but it doesn’t have to be the case. You can wear the full formal attire and have a civil wedding, but often not the other way around. In my opinion, it’s your wedding, you should be comfortable, happy and focused upon the creation of the bond between you, rather than the aptness of your attire. Theme weddings are fun and lift the whole thing out of the ordinary. Weddings in balloons, at water parks, Halloween themed, medieval themed, you name it, it can be done.

Cost..
This is crucial to the smooth running of your event. You must decide what you want, get quotes and contracts and keep them close to you. It all too often happens that a venue is not available and a second has to be found and the costs can vary by thousands. A vendor has difficulty with a request and therefore the costs rise, or the quotes you got were not precise enough in their numbers and now you have to buy more, and there goes your budget.
Have your budget in mind, gather quotes from the best, the middle and the budget end of the spectrum, and compare what you get for your money. Be wary of asking for changes late in the day, as it will cost you more than planning way ahead of time.
Pick a venue that has a beauty and elegance already, that way décor can be kept to a minimum and therefore will cost less. Outdoor venues in gardens and orchards are ideal for this as the only décor you need is in the guest area and the wedding arbour. A huge empty church hall for example will cost a lot more to transform into a cozy elegant space than an Italian barn or greenhouse venue.
If you are planning most things at home, keep it simple because rentals can actually work out to be more expensive than  a venue by the time you have added in chairs, tables, cutlery, crockery, linens, flowers, candles and all the other items that would come with the venue as standard. Lots of little expenses soon add up and can be in fact a false economy. Account for every little detail, because it may actually benefit you to book a small venue and have them take away all the stress for you.

Guests…
Do you really need to invite that girl you shared a room with back in college and haven’t seen for years? Does everyone in your family need to be there? Do they all have to be at the ceremony or will most of them be happy with attending the reception? Take into account that some of them will have children to bring with them. This can increase your guest list greatly, and most people will not be able to leave their children out of the plans or find sitters, especially if they are traveling to your location. If there are a lot of children involved then it may help to have a kids area in your seating plan. Tables set up less elaborately and a kids food menu for those tables. Most children would remember a pasta or pizza dish more favorably than a cordon bleu creation that delighted their parents. That can help cut costs tremendously. Also consider a buffet style menu if there are a lot of people, that way you know everyone gets something they like to eat, and you don’t have to deal with food allergies and  menu choices ahead of time. This will alter the logistics of your room, as you will have a lot of people on their feet at the same time, also consider having two serving areas at either end of the room to save the long line of hungry guests at one table. You could vary the style of food at each table to suit your theme.
You also have to make sure of accommodations for your guests who are traveling from longer distances. Consider talking to a couple of local hotels and asking for the best time for bookings, and give your guests a cut off date for booking their rooms to get a good rate and secure their booking. Discounts often apply for group rates. Get the business card of the person you talked to, and give the information to your guests so that everyone is on the same page at all times.

Location…
After you have decided on all the previous points, your location should be able to cope with all your plans. Does it have indoor and outdoor provisions to deal with weather? Is the ceremony and reception in the same place? Do you and your guests have to move from the ceremony location into the reception area? How easily will this be done?

What provisions are their for parking? If you are having the wedding at home, you will obviously either have to limit guests or to provide information for their parking or transport. How many guests are logistically possible at that location?

Is there a place for the bride to be hidden away from the eyes of the groom and how easily will she have access to bathroom facilities and mirrors prior to the processional? Are their restrictions on flowers, candles, décor, access rights etc? One wedding that I officiated was in the middle of a public park on Memorial day weekend. There were several thousand people in the park, and seven weddings that I personally saw en route to my couple. The guests and indeed myself were severely hampered by the traffic into the park and the tourists who were haphazardly parking and driving erratically. Not only was it tough to schedule my arrival [I was 10 minutes late] but also to actually find the couple. They were getting married under a tree with some ribbons on it. It was a lovely location and must have been a great idea at it’s inception. But the reality of the day was somewhat different. At any other time, there would have been no difficulties, but it took me almost an hour to get through the park, and if we missed a turn, it was a one way system back around. So consider all the aspects of the location and just how private your ceremony will be, if required. Sometimes the dream needs to be nurtured and created, it will not just happen of it’s own accord. The rest of the world doesn’t get it, it has to be shown, and sometimes dazzled by the fact that you made it work. It’s all part of the fun.

Office weddings

the downside of office weddings is, like my appointment today, that the couple are often no-shows. They place a phone call asking for a short notice wedding, and agree to a time. Then just don’t turn up. I am seriously thinking of charging them a booking fee over the phone via paypal virtual terminal. I stay available for at least an hour in case they are late, and obviously have to be dressed, prepared, and have a ceremony tailored to them. It’s very disappointing when they just don’t show up.

The  upside is of course, that there is no travel time involved, and you can’t be late or held up by bad weather. It is totally up to the couple to show up on time and they usually only have a couple of people with them, if any. There is no Mother of the Bride to deal with on her most nerve wracking day. No processional and no attendants. I love small weddings.

The larger ones are different for me, more like a stage show where everyone has a part to play. It makes people nervous and you have to be firm and respectfully instruct them in what is expected of them during the ceremony. Of course the drama is the icing on the elaborate cake of the wedding and it is the drama that makes the occasion so memorable. The fuss and the fanfare that marks such a large transition in the lives of two families and all their friends around them, right up to the effect on their community.

Marriage is a crucial step in the relationship of the couple and it reflects in how they are treated and in how they treat others. Life can never be the same again. It’s only fitting that it should be marked with as much pomp and circumstance as they can tolerate and in some cases, afford.

For those who don’t need that rite of passage, their is the intimate wedding wherein they and their closest family, sometimes also their children, gather to celebrate their love.  As an officiant it doesn’t matter to me how many are in the ‘audience, it’s the two people in front of me that count. It is always personal. It is always a great thing to be part of. It is always true that all brides are indeed beautiful.

A happy event…

Last night I received a phone call from a person I had not seen in over a year. Last I heard, his wife had left him whilst he was in Australia on business, he came home to a cleaned out apartment. No-one was more shocked than he, as he had no inkling of impending doom in what seemed to be the ideal relationship. Now he has become engaged to a fantastic woman and they were trying to arrange a marriage. She of course, wanted the spiritual side of their romance to be celebrated along with the legal requirements. Yet again local ministers would not perform the ceremony as he is a divorced person. Here’s where I step in. I love helping those people that other groups turn away. It wasn’t his fault he got divorced, so why should he be penalized and not able to provide his new bride with her dream wedding.

He called me and said ‘I told my fiancee, there is ONE minister I know who won’t give us a judgmental decision, but who will celebrate the fact that we found each other’ What a compliment! I immediately agreed to officiate their wedding, and I am honoured to be asked.  I am so happy for him that he found new love and can move on from his bad experience.