Kelley and Michelle

I was lucky enough to be contacted back in February by a great couple who I then proceeded to meet at my favourite Panera for tea. We had a nice long interesting chat and got along really well. The big family wedding was then booked for September.

I have never worked with such laid back people. They said ‘write us something’ so I did. The viewed it and only made two changes to the text, to include personal references that their family would enjoy sharing. In the middle of all this excitement they were actually working on their house construction project. My first visit to view the area where the wedding was to take place in their back yard, was enhanced by home made coffee cake and Tetley British Blend Tea. Just as well. we were looking at the stunning back yard, which at that point was a big marsh. The rain had been coming down steadily for days and there was simply no grass. Just mud. Add in the construction work and you can see why they needed an expert eye on the plot.

The space was perfect, and we had a couple of months to go, so I was not worried. I kept a close eye on FaceBook for accounts of the construction progress and watched as a beautiful home was transformed into a stunning home. I got regular updates such as ‘Debi, we have railings!’ accompanied by pictures of the extended and now ’safe’ deck.

The day arrived. I drove to their home which was filled to the brim with happy people. The brides were very informal and this was a great wedding. More like a family and friends party with an added extra. I love those!

We decided against the spot chosen for the ceremony as [you guessed it] it was raining persistently. So the new deck was christened in a very special way. And, yes, it had railings. The yard was tented off and the seating protected from the rain. The food was excellent and the company was good. What more could you want ?

Congratulations to you both!

Juliet and Juliet

Lots of fun to be had by all…..

The season has finally begun for me after somewhat of a slow start. I’ve already had quite a few changes to my schedule for various reasons. The weather has affected a lot of people and of course the other important climate; the economic one.

bride and groom cards

Brides are being choosier as to where they want to spend their money and more emphasis is being put on the ceremony and the emotive value of the actual marriage celebration. I think this is a good thing. Of course, I would. It’s very stressful for people who are putting together their own wedding. And I think the major issue is that it all seems so easy until you have to do it. The small things get you.

It’s one thing to book a caterer, but then you need to decide who goes where, what shape of table, what colour linens, what are we drinking, when are we drinking it etc, etc, etc. This is even true for a small home wedding. Just where is the best place for the food to go, and who is looking after it during the day?

Often the best wedding gift you can give is help. If you know the couple are planning a wedding themselves at home, just see if you can help in any way. Simple things that ease the pressure. It could be as easy as, I’ll make sure the plates on the buffet stay replenished, or I’ll stack bottles of water for those trying to stay hydrated in the hot sun. I’ve officiated at weddings where the bride is running around madly in her gown, and it’s almost a welcome breather when she gets to take time out for the ceremony.

If your budget allows for a wedding planner, I do recommend that you use one. If not, then why not ask a good friend or family member to be your planner and bounce ideas off each other. Remember to choose someone that you can argue with, preferably someone that is NOT contributing financially to the event. That way you avoid them feeling that they have the right to override your decisions. On the other hand, don’t treat them as a ‘wedding employee’. No bridezilla tactics allowed!

A cute home wedding.

Last weekend I received a call from a young lady who was thinking of getting married ‘in the next few days’. she asked that I call her back. We played phone tag for a while, and when I eventually reached her she explained that they just wanted to get married with no or minimal fuss. I asked a few vital questions. Do you know what you want to say? No, just bring whatever you usually do. Do you want a civil or religious? Well, the grooms parents are Baptists, so we’ll have a religious ceremony please. What day? Wednesday. What time? Noon. Do you have your license? Yes. Okay, see you then.

How easy was that? I wish they all went that way.

I arrived at the parents home early to have the couple look over the ceremony that I had written for them. They were very calm and both approved the ceremony with no changes required. Introductions were made. We chose an indoor location as it was very, very, very cold outside. Gotta love New England in November. Father of the groom took photos of the 5 people in the room. I waited until everyone was settled. Couple were in front of a fireplace decorated with wedding balloons. The ceremony began and when it came to the vows, the bride shed a few tears. We paused for her groom to comfort her and I always encourage hugs. Concluded the ceremony, and everyone was happy. I gave them a printed copy of their vows on rose paper, for scrapbooking or framing purposes. And that was that!

For a hassle free wedding at very low cost, they were just as married as the couples spending thousands. A very smart move in todays economy. And a very nice couple with a great future ahead of them. Location? Hollis, NH. Beautifully decorated NE house with an antique sled as a coffee table and surrounded by loving parents. Nice.

The ‘Big Five’……….

  1. WHEN
  2. HOW
  3. COST
  4. GUESTS
  5. LOCATION

When….
In considering your date, there’s a few things to remember. Some times of year cost more, your budget will have to cover the extra venue and vendor costs. The expected climate will impact upon your location as well as special holidays or religious festivals. You don’t particularly want a park wedding on July 4th weekend, for example. Also consider that some family and friends have obligations to keep with their own families. Thanksgiving weddings may not be attended by anyone other than family. If you want a cheaper wedding, then a weekday ceremony would be cheaper, with the reception held at the weekend if you want full attendance. It pays to be flexible. You can have your glamorous party and still cut costs on the small stuff. One wedding I officiated was held in one state during the week, and the party was in another and was two whole days. The money saved on the ceremony and the travel costs for the family ended up in the thousands and no-one missed out on a thing.

How…
What style of wedding would you like? Also, would you like religious, civil or spiritual? The formality of the wedding tends to vary with the style you choose. In big church weddings, for example, there is often a ritualistic aspect to the wedding and a protocol other than just etiquette to be followed. Civil weddings tend to be less rigid but also quicker and more of a recitation of vows to legalize the commitment followed by the real party. A spiritual ceremony tends to combine aspects of both, but can work out less stressful as it can be customized to fit your personal wishes and belief systems. This is particularly helpful in those cases wherein there are more than one or two faiths within the new family unit.

Often your type of ceremony will dictate the attire, but it doesn’t have to be the case. You can wear the full formal attire and have a civil wedding, but often not the other way around. In my opinion, it’s your wedding, you should be comfortable, happy and focused upon the creation of the bond between you, rather than the aptness of your attire. Theme weddings are fun and lift the whole thing out of the ordinary. Weddings in balloons, at water parks, Halloween themed, medieval themed, you name it, it can be done.

Cost..
This is crucial to the smooth running of your event. You must decide what you want, get quotes and contracts and keep them close to you. It all too often happens that a venue is not available and a second has to be found and the costs can vary by thousands. A vendor has difficulty with a request and therefore the costs rise, or the quotes you got were not precise enough in their numbers and now you have to buy more, and there goes your budget.
Have your budget in mind, gather quotes from the best, the middle and the budget end of the spectrum, and compare what you get for your money. Be wary of asking for changes late in the day, as it will cost you more than planning way ahead of time.
Pick a venue that has a beauty and elegance already, that way décor can be kept to a minimum and therefore will cost less. Outdoor venues in gardens and orchards are ideal for this as the only décor you need is in the guest area and the wedding arbour. A huge empty church hall for example will cost a lot more to transform into a cozy elegant space than an Italian barn or greenhouse venue.
If you are planning most things at home, keep it simple because rentals can actually work out to be more expensive than  a venue by the time you have added in chairs, tables, cutlery, crockery, linens, flowers, candles and all the other items that would come with the venue as standard. Lots of little expenses soon add up and can be in fact a false economy. Account for every little detail, because it may actually benefit you to book a small venue and have them take away all the stress for you.

Guests…
Do you really need to invite that girl you shared a room with back in college and haven’t seen for years? Does everyone in your family need to be there? Do they all have to be at the ceremony or will most of them be happy with attending the reception? Take into account that some of them will have children to bring with them. This can increase your guest list greatly, and most people will not be able to leave their children out of the plans or find sitters, especially if they are traveling to your location. If there are a lot of children involved then it may help to have a kids area in your seating plan. Tables set up less elaborately and a kids food menu for those tables. Most children would remember a pasta or pizza dish more favorably than a cordon bleu creation that delighted their parents. That can help cut costs tremendously. Also consider a buffet style menu if there are a lot of people, that way you know everyone gets something they like to eat, and you don’t have to deal with food allergies and  menu choices ahead of time. This will alter the logistics of your room, as you will have a lot of people on their feet at the same time, also consider having two serving areas at either end of the room to save the long line of hungry guests at one table. You could vary the style of food at each table to suit your theme.
You also have to make sure of accommodations for your guests who are traveling from longer distances. Consider talking to a couple of local hotels and asking for the best time for bookings, and give your guests a cut off date for booking their rooms to get a good rate and secure their booking. Discounts often apply for group rates. Get the business card of the person you talked to, and give the information to your guests so that everyone is on the same page at all times.

Location…
After you have decided on all the previous points, your location should be able to cope with all your plans. Does it have indoor and outdoor provisions to deal with weather? Is the ceremony and reception in the same place? Do you and your guests have to move from the ceremony location into the reception area? How easily will this be done?

What provisions are their for parking? If you are having the wedding at home, you will obviously either have to limit guests or to provide information for their parking or transport. How many guests are logistically possible at that location?

Is there a place for the bride to be hidden away from the eyes of the groom and how easily will she have access to bathroom facilities and mirrors prior to the processional? Are their restrictions on flowers, candles, décor, access rights etc? One wedding that I officiated was in the middle of a public park on Memorial day weekend. There were several thousand people in the park, and seven weddings that I personally saw en route to my couple. The guests and indeed myself were severely hampered by the traffic into the park and the tourists who were haphazardly parking and driving erratically. Not only was it tough to schedule my arrival [I was 10 minutes late] but also to actually find the couple. They were getting married under a tree with some ribbons on it. It was a lovely location and must have been a great idea at it’s inception. But the reality of the day was somewhat different. At any other time, there would have been no difficulties, but it took me almost an hour to get through the park, and if we missed a turn, it was a one way system back around. So consider all the aspects of the location and just how private your ceremony will be, if required. Sometimes the dream needs to be nurtured and created, it will not just happen of it’s own accord. The rest of the world doesn’t get it, it has to be shown, and sometimes dazzled by the fact that you made it work. It’s all part of the fun.

Fighting those wedding day jitters….

The importance of rehearsals

Most weddings follow the same basic outline, but can be varied to suit the needs and wishes of the parties involved, the space you are working with and the time you want to spend on the ceremony.
BASIC CEREMONY
Here is a rough outline for a traditional 5-part Ceremony, that I give to all my couples to help them get a feel for what to expect.
1.) WELCOME
2.) PRESENTATIONS
3.) VOWS
4.) RINGS
5.) CLOSING
Things I need to know as the officiant.
Are you walking down the aisle to your groom?
If so, who is walking you, are you having an ‘who gives this woman’ in your ceremony?
Do you want the officiant to walk down the aisle, or to be waiting at the altar?
What are the groom’s duties en route to the altar?
Are the ushers/groomsmen/groom having to seat anyone? Mothers?
Where will your flower girl/ring bearer go once they reach the altar?
Are there to be readings, poems, presentations, if so by whom, to whom and when?
Do I know your plans?

The Rehearsal

About the Rehearsal:
Everyone should make an effort to be at the rehearsal. It gives you an idea of what the actual space will allow you to do. For instance if your dress has a train that is several feet long, the spacing needs to be adjusted so that no-one stands on it. If the bridesmaids have big gown skirting, there needs to be enough space at the altar that allows them to stand without crushing each other. If you have standing room for 6 at the altar, don’t plan on 12 in the wedding party!

Absences:
If you know that someone cannot attend the rehearsal, appoint a stand-in who will participate in the rehearsal and get them to take notes and pass them on to the person taking part in the ceremony. That way, you don’t have that one lost person on the big day.

Wedding Coordinator:
If you have decided not to hire a wedding coordinator, nominate a member of your family who is NOT in the processional to stand with the bridal party and cue them to move down the aisle at the appropriate times. It’s a good idea to include this person in the rehearsals also.

Bring Props:
Bring things with you like fake bouquets, the candles [positioning to not set your hair alight is a good thing] That way you can see what it feels like to try and hold flowers, your dress, the rings, your loved one’s hand and light a candle and speak vows all at the same time.

Children:
It’s much less scary if a child is kept informed of when, how and why. That way they know what they are supposed to do, they can get it wrong the first time and there should be no last minute nerves.

Scheduling:
Every single rehearsal includes a person that is late. Bank on it, and if you know who it is likely to be, tell them to arrive 15 minutes earlier than the actual time.

Take Care of Yourself:
Eat, sleep, drink plenty of water, don’t have vast amounts of alcohol the day before. The pictures will show you being tired and stressed, so we need you relaxed.

General Pre-Rehearsal Instructions:
Make sure everyone knows everyone else.
Introduce the bridal party to the Officiant.
Go through everything at least once or twice.
Provide snacks and drinks if the rehearsal is an hour or more inclusive of travel time. [little bottles of water and snack packs work well]
Bring matches.