Lots of fun to be had by all…..

The season has finally begun for me after somewhat of a slow start. I’ve already had quite a few changes to my schedule for various reasons. The weather has affected a lot of people and of course the other important climate; the economic one.

Brides are being choosier as to where they want to spend their money and more emphasis is being put on the ceremony and the emotive value of the actual marriage celebration. I think this is a good thing. Of course, I would. It’s very stressful for people who are putting together their own wedding. And I think the major issue is that it all seems so easy until you have to do it. The small things get you.

It’s one thing to book a caterer, but then you need to decide who goes where, what shape of table, what colour linens, what are we drinking, when are we drinking it etc, etc, etc. This is even true for a small home wedding. Just where is the best place for the food to go, and who is looking after it during the day?

Often the best wedding gift you can give is help. If you know the couple are planning a wedding themselves at home, just see if you can help in any way. Simple things that ease the pressure. It could be as easy as, I’ll make sure the plates on the buffet stay replenished, or I’ll stack bottles of water for those trying to stay hydrated in the hot sun. I’ve officiated at weddings where the bride is running around madly in her gown, and it’s almost a welcome breather when she gets to take time out for the ceremony.

If your budget allows for a wedding planner, I do recommend that you use one. If not, then why not ask a good friend or family member to be your planner and bounce ideas off each other. Remember to choose someone that you can argue with, preferably someone that is NOT contributing financially to the event. That way you avoid them feeling that they have the right to override your decisions. On the other hand, don’t treat them as a ‘wedding employee’. No bridezilla tactics allowed!

Gearing up for 2009

So the season is now beginning. I’ve had lots of inquiries about weddings but mostly they seem to be a couple of years away. It does seem to be normal that I get booking a couple of years in advance, which sometimes can be difficult to price. On one memorable event I had moved away from the area and ended up driving 200 miles to perform a 50 dollar ceremony! As you can imagine, it cost me more than I made, but the commitment had been made to this couple and was kept. It was a sweet little wedding and i am happy that I kept the booking.
This year I do have a handfasting with a sand ceremony booked for the Cathedral of the Pines in Rindge, NH. It’s a stunning location and I have been looking forward to this all year.
Everyone seems to be having difficulties making ends meet in this economy. My suggestion is to keep things as simple as you can. Gifts should be of a more practical nature and maybe those 50 dollar favours can be downgraded to the 5 dollar ones. Of course the other option is to plan way further in advance and that gives you much more time to gather resources and lock in prices. Don’t be too proud to accept help from family and friends. Have a home wedding with a caterer from a local deli or eatery for a much cheaper price than renting a venue and having formal dining. Buffet hot plates work really well and you can have staff serve the guests if you don’t want the buffet experience. Contact a local catering college and see if they have students interested in earning some money as cooks or wait staff. It’s good for them and it’s great for you.
In New England there are a lot of little chapels anc churches that can be rented for the ceremony at very reasonable prices, so you can have your great photographs and your still go back to your home catered reception. Be creative. Have fun. Get married!

A cute home wedding.

Last weekend I received a call from a young lady who was thinking of getting married ‘in the next few days’. she asked that I call her back. We played phone tag for a while, and when I eventually reached her she explained that they just wanted to get married with no or minimal fuss. I asked a few vital questions. Do you know what you want to say? No, just bring whatever you usually do. Do you want a civil or religious? Well, the grooms parents are Baptists, so we’ll have a religious ceremony please. What day? Wednesday. What time? Noon. Do you have your license? Yes. Okay, see you then.

How easy was that? I wish they all went that way.

I arrived at the parents home early to have the couple look over the ceremony that I had written for them. They were very calm and both approved the ceremony with no changes required. Introductions were made. We chose an indoor location as it was very, very, very cold outside. Gotta love New England in November. Father of the groom took photos of the 5 people in the room. I waited until everyone was settled. Couple were in front of a fireplace decorated with wedding balloons. The ceremony began and when it came to the vows, the bride shed a few tears. We paused for her groom to comfort her and I always encourage hugs. Concluded the ceremony, and everyone was happy. I gave them a printed copy of their vows on rose paper, for scrapbooking or framing purposes. And that was that!

For a hassle free wedding at very low cost, they were just as married as the couples spending thousands. A very smart move in todays economy. And a very nice couple with a great future ahead of them. Location? Hollis, NH. Beautifully decorated NE house with an antique sled as a coffee table and surrounded by loving parents. Nice.

A happy event…

Last night I received a phone call from a person I had not seen in over a year. Last I heard, his wife had left him whilst he was in Australia on business, he came home to a cleaned out apartment. No-one was more shocked than he, as he had no inkling of impending doom in what seemed to be the ideal relationship. Now he has become engaged to a fantastic woman and they were trying to arrange a marriage. She of course, wanted the spiritual side of their romance to be celebrated along with the legal requirements. Yet again local ministers would not perform the ceremony as he is a divorced person. Here’s where I step in. I love helping those people that other groups turn away. It wasn’t his fault he got divorced, so why should he be penalized and not able to provide his new bride with her dream wedding.

He called me and said ‘I told my fiancee, there is ONE minister I know who won’t give us a judgmental decision, but who will celebrate the fact that we found each other’ What a compliment! I immediately agreed to officiate their wedding, and I am honoured to be asked.  I am so happy for him that he found new love and can move on from his bad experience.

The best part of being an officiant…

Sometimes I wonder why I find it so wonderful to be a part of a wedding. I have often tried to evaluate my feelings on this subject. To a lot of business people a customer is just that, a customer. To a wedding officiant, however the customer becomes ‘one of my couples’.  I was looking back at the pictures of weddings I officiated at in 2007, and every one of them had a little story behind it and made me smile.

One wedding was remarkable for being the most difficult to find. It was in Roger Williams Park in Rhode Island, I live in NewHampshire, so it was a 100 mile trip to make the ceremony. Being English as I am, the holidays are not second nature to me yet, and it turned out to be a major holiday weekend. Not a bad thing until we get to the park. I think every single soul living in RI was there. It took us almost an hour to navigate the crowds at the park, and there were 7 weddings that I encountered. At each one I had to stop, ask if they were my couple, and move on. Needless to say, I was 10 minutes late, the bride was too busy to answer her phone, and eventually called me on my cell phone. Mother of the bride was cranky when I pulled up, did not want to hear how driving 100 miles was easy compared to finding the wedding in the park amongst thousands of people. All the weddings I had stopped at were in rose gardens, under columnar roofs, in archways and all the usual places. This wedding was under a tree with a ribbon on it. That explains why I couldn’t find it. My contracts now have a clause that asks for specific directions that MUST be accurate. A designated contact who keeps their cell phone on until I arrive, and MUST answer it! And allowances for location….they knew the park would be crowded, I did not. I could really have used that information.

The wedding was a beautiful one that included a third vow to their child, and the couple were charming. MOB was still cranky, because I made one of the wedding party go home and get the license before I would do the ceremony….the law is the law . No license = no wedding.  If you can remember all the flower petals and bubbles, you can remember to bring the piece of paper to make it legal. Can’t you? Needless to say, I was not popular with MOB, but I liked the couple and was proud to be part of their day.

The Groom

During the service, the Groom stands on the right of the Bride. This presumably goes back to the days when a gentleman wore a sword – should any man challenge the Groom to his right to his Bride, he was free to draw his sword with his right hand whilst protecting or holding his Bride with his left. It is thought to be why men escorting ladies walk on that side also. See any renaissance faire in your area.

Carrying his Bride over the threshold dates back to when it was thought a new Bride was vulnerable to evil spirits and bad luck – he would carry her over the threshold so leaving the evil spirits and bad luck on the outside. And pretty much to stop her turning into an evil, scolding shrew due to the spirits taking over her body while she was between girlhood and womanhood.

.The ‘Best’ Man

In the times when a Groom would kidnap his Bride, incurring the wrath of her father and family, the Best Man (the Groom’s most trusted friend) was there to help in any fight.
When it came to the ceremony, he was there just in case the father or family decided to take the Bride back

Tying the Knot

The phrase ‘tie the knot’ comes from the Romans – the bride wore a girdle with lots of knots, which the groom had the fun of untying. Also from the placing and binding of cords on the hands during a handfasting ceremony.

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6 Steps for the perfect rehearsal

Step One — Everyone in Place:
Line up the wedding party where they will be standing for the wedding ceremony.
Groom and his attendants on Officiant’s left
Bride and her attendants on Officiant’s right
The Bride and Groom face each other
The Ring Bearer in front of the Groom’s attendants
Flower Girl(s) in front of the Bride’s attendants

Step Two — Practice the Recessional:
Who is leaving first, who is going where.

Step Three — Seating the Guests:
The ushers seat the family and honored guests at the announced time of the wedding.
Suggested order for special guests:
Grandparents of the groom
Grandparents of the bride
Parents of the groom
Mother of the bride

Step Four – Processional:
Now the bridal party goes to the places from where they will enter on the wedding day. Groom and his attendants go to the side (stage left, Officiant’s left side). The Bride and her attendants go to the back of the hall.
Wedding party enters and takes places where they were in Step One.

Step Five – Ceremony:
Officiant may ask “Who brings her here on this happy day of her life?” or “Who brings this woman to marry this man?” The person or persons escorting the bride usually say: “I do”, …

“We do”, or “On behalf of all who love her, I do”.
Bride’s escort takes seat in first row

Officiant Performs the Ceremony
The rings should be either on the Ring bearer’s pillow or in the custody of the Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor.


Step Six — Practice Recessional again:

If you follow these guidelines, even print them out for the wedding party, everyone will know what they have to do and it saves confusion on the day of the wedding.
Practicing takes the stress out for all involved, and hopefully helps your wedding go smoother.

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Fighting those wedding day jitters….

The importance of rehearsals

Most weddings follow the same basic outline, but can be varied to suit the needs and wishes of the parties involved, the space you are working with and the time you want to spend on the ceremony.

BASIC CEREMONY
Here is a rough outline for a traditional 5-part Ceremony, that I give to all my couples to help them get a feel for what to expect.

1.) WELCOME
2.) PRESENTATIONS
3.) VOWS
4.) RINGS
5.) CLOSING

Things I need to know as the officiant.
Are you walking down the aisle to your groom?
If so, who is walking you, are you having an ‘who gives this woman’ in your ceremony?
Do you want the officiant to walk down the aisle, or to be waiting at the altar?
What are the groom’s duties en route to the altar?
Are the ushers/groomsmen/groom having to seat anyone? Mothers?
Where will your flower girl/ring bearer go once they reach the altar?
Are there to be readings, poems, presentations, if so by whom, to whom and when?
Do I know your plans?

The Rehearsal

About the Rehearsal:
Everyone should make an effort to be at the rehearsal. It gives you an idea of what the actual space will allow you to do. For instance if your dress has a train that is several feet long, the spacing needs to be adjusted so that no-one stands on it. If the bridesmaids have big gown skirting, there needs to be enough space at the altar that allows them to stand without crushing each other. If you have standing room for 6 at the altar, don’t plan on 12 in the wedding party!

Absences:
If you know that someone cannot attend the rehearsal, appoint a stand-in who will participate in the rehearsal and get them to take notes and pass them on to the person taking part in the ceremony. That way, you don’t have that one lost person on the big day.

Wedding Coordinator:
If you have decided not to hire a wedding coordinator, nominate a member of your family who is NOT in the processional to stand with the bridal party and cue them to move down the aisle at the appropriate times. It’s a good idea to include this person in the rehearsals also.

Bring Props:
Bring things with you like fake bouquets, the candles [positioning to not set your hair alight is a good thing] That way you can see what it feels like to try and hold flowers, your dress, the rings, your loved one’s hand and light a candle and speak vows all at the same time.

Children:
It’s much less scary if a child is kept informed of when, how and why. That way they know what they are supposed to do, they can get it wrong the first time and there should be no last minute nerves.

Scheduling:
Every single rehearsal includes a person that is late. Bank on it, and if you know who it is likely to be, tell them to arrive 15 minutes earlier than the actual time.

Take Care of Yourself:
Eat, sleep, drink plenty of water, don’t have vast amounts of alcohol the day before. The pictures will show you being tired and stressed, so we need you relaxed.

General Pre-Rehearsal Instructions:
Make sure everyone knows everyone else.
Introduce the bridal party to the Officiant.
Go through everything at least once or twice.
Provide snacks and drinks if the rehearsal is an hour or more inclusive of travel time. [little bottles of water and snack packs work well]
Bring matches.