Chapel wedding in New London, NH

I was recently contacted by a very nice young couple who had planned a wedding, but had no officiant and only 2 weeks to go. I was available on the date that they needed. Unfortunately the bride wanted a rehearsal and I was fully booked the day before. New London is about an hour and a half away from me, so it would be a 4 hour turnaround for each day. I assured them that I could get them scripted well enough that they wouldn’t need me, but the bride became nervous. They offered to book me into a local inn for the night, but that didn’t work with my obligations. So, I calculated that if I only had 5 hours sleep, drove there, limited rehearsal time strictly to one hour, drove back, gathered my energies, drove the 40 miles in the opposite direction, I could make it to my next appointment with 15 minutes grace. Phew!

Of course, this is November and weather can be a nightmare. So fingers crossed! The day dawned with the promise of rain. November rain, the type that slows you down, makes visibility an issue and would mess up my plans entirely. I set out on my journey with a ‘Que Sera’ attitude, and plenty of bottled water. As luck would have it, New London is located such that I had to drive most of the time on my favourite stretch of road which is I-89. That road is truly a pleasure, fast, straight and not too busy. I arrived at the rehearsal, it went smoothly, I jumped in my car and headed back. I made it with 10 minutes to spare.

The next day was way more relaxed. Still raining, but no urgency, I had extra time to allow myself. I do have a unique style to my weddings which puzzles people until after the event. But everytime I complete the ceremony, the family come up to me and tell me how wonderful it was. I like to create a focus of the couple being centre stage, but also to make the ceremony intimate to the guests, as if they are right there with them. No matter how many guests there are, it always works well. Basically it boils down to me having the atmosphere of them standing in front of their family to make their vows, rather than in front of me and the family as witnesses.

All went well, and the entire chapel was filled with sniffles as they gave their personal vows to each other. Personal, heartfelt and sincere words are the best vows that can be made. I had to pause for a breath before continuing after watching this couple pour out their hearts to each other. All in all, I was very glad that I made the effort to help the bride feel better on the day. And she was stunning. Even better, the groom and his groomsmen all wore suits and Chucky T’s. LOL..

The rehearsal…

It was a little stressful, as rehearsals tend to be. The worst mistake people make is not thinking about what they would like before they get there. Even after a lot of questions and answers, there are a lot of things to decide.

Who is in the wedding party? What’s going to happen with mom’s? How many parents are there? Do they talk to each other? Are they being escorted?

Flower girl? Ring bearer? Groomsmen, Bridesmaids? Maid of Honour?

In this case, nothing was certain. There were certainly a lot of opinions. All valid. A suggestion when planning your rehearsal. Choose who is making the decisions…bride and groom are good choices for this. For the bride…be nice! For the groom, step up, make some decisions and help out your bride!

Too much input = chaos = costs you more for my time. You get one hour.

The logistics of the venue are explored for the first time. It’s actually a good idea to visit the site a couple of times prior to the rehearsal and walk the space when it’s not costing you money to do so. Add to that the time spent for everyone else. Outdoor venue? Check where the wind comes from…it may not be the prettiest spot, but it could be the best…photos can be taken at any location.

Today’s rehearsal took almost 2 hours…so that made it 4 hours input today. Doesn’t seem like much, but it’s half a working day, flat rate payment. Not hourly. The bride and groom were charming, but that could not be said of all people. My husband was watching from the sidelines and being in a park, was not perceived as being involved. The comments from one ‘gentleman’ made his blood boil to the point of us bowing out of the planned meal afterward. This person criticized the little ‘brochures’ that I made free of charge, which explained what happens at a rehearsal and outlined the customized ceremony of the day. The same person charged off in my direction claiming that the flower girl and ring bearer should link arms to process and I was ignorant. Once he got to me, he was received with a polite ‘no’. How may I ask does the child scatter flowers whilst carrying a basket and being link armed with another? He did not retreat in his insistence. I don’t even know who this person was. I was not introduced and have no clue.

His hostility increased as the rehearsal progressed to the point of hampering the proceedings. One child was out of synch when he practised and he yelled at me for that too! I was not feeling happy when I left. Such a shame. The couple are awesome and deserve all happiness. I am determined not to let it influence me for the wedding. I felt upset mainly because I am the Minister, not a wedding planner or organizer. The officiant does not ‘plan’ the seating, the music etc…but often is expected to do all this as the officiant, but at the same charge as a JP, or much much less than a church wedding.

This ‘gentleman’ was annoyed as he expected me to organize everything..not my job unfortunately. However, I should have refused to do it, rather than my kindhearted attempt to help them out. It’s clearly stated in my contract. His challenging comments and loud criticisms threw me off my stride, I didn’t expect to get heckled. Still don’t know who he was. Then he lectured me on the wedding party being ‘not balanced’ from a photography point of view..Okay, I didn’t invite them, there were 2 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids, how could I change that?

Tough day.

6 Steps for the perfect rehearsal

Step One — Everyone in Place:
Line up the wedding party where they will be standing for the wedding ceremony.
Groom and his attendants on Officiant’s left
Bride and her attendants on Officiant’s right
The Bride and Groom face each other
The Ring Bearer in front of the Groom’s attendants
Flower Girl(s) in front of the Bride’s attendants

Step Two — Practice the Recessional:
Who is leaving first, who is going where.

Step Three — Seating the Guests:
The ushers seat the family and honored guests at the announced time of the wedding.
Suggested order for special guests:
Grandparents of the groom
Grandparents of the bride
Parents of the groom
Mother of the bride

Step Four – Processional:
Now the bridal party goes to the places from where they will enter on the wedding day. Groom and his attendants go to the side (stage left, Officiant’s left side). The Bride and her attendants go to the back of the hall.
Wedding party enters and takes places where they were in Step One.

Step Five – Ceremony:
Officiant may ask “Who brings her here on this happy day of her life?” or “Who brings this woman to marry this man?” The person or persons escorting the bride usually say: “I do”, …

“We do”, or “On behalf of all who love her, I do”.
Bride’s escort takes seat in first row

Officiant Performs the Ceremony
The rings should be either on the Ring bearer’s pillow or in the custody of the Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor.


Step Six — Practice Recessional again:

If you follow these guidelines, even print them out for the wedding party, everyone will know what they have to do and it saves confusion on the day of the wedding.
Practicing takes the stress out for all involved, and hopefully helps your wedding go smoother.

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Fighting those wedding day jitters….

The importance of rehearsals

Most weddings follow the same basic outline, but can be varied to suit the needs and wishes of the parties involved, the space you are working with and the time you want to spend on the ceremony.

BASIC CEREMONY
Here is a rough outline for a traditional 5-part Ceremony, that I give to all my couples to help them get a feel for what to expect.

1.) WELCOME
2.) PRESENTATIONS
3.) VOWS
4.) RINGS
5.) CLOSING

Things I need to know as the officiant.
Are you walking down the aisle to your groom?
If so, who is walking you, are you having an ‘who gives this woman’ in your ceremony?
Do you want the officiant to walk down the aisle, or to be waiting at the altar?
What are the groom’s duties en route to the altar?
Are the ushers/groomsmen/groom having to seat anyone? Mothers?
Where will your flower girl/ring bearer go once they reach the altar?
Are there to be readings, poems, presentations, if so by whom, to whom and when?
Do I know your plans?

The Rehearsal

About the Rehearsal:
Everyone should make an effort to be at the rehearsal. It gives you an idea of what the actual space will allow you to do. For instance if your dress has a train that is several feet long, the spacing needs to be adjusted so that no-one stands on it. If the bridesmaids have big gown skirting, there needs to be enough space at the altar that allows them to stand without crushing each other. If you have standing room for 6 at the altar, don’t plan on 12 in the wedding party!

Absences:
If you know that someone cannot attend the rehearsal, appoint a stand-in who will participate in the rehearsal and get them to take notes and pass them on to the person taking part in the ceremony. That way, you don’t have that one lost person on the big day.

Wedding Coordinator:
If you have decided not to hire a wedding coordinator, nominate a member of your family who is NOT in the processional to stand with the bridal party and cue them to move down the aisle at the appropriate times. It’s a good idea to include this person in the rehearsals also.

Bring Props:
Bring things with you like fake bouquets, the candles [positioning to not set your hair alight is a good thing] That way you can see what it feels like to try and hold flowers, your dress, the rings, your loved one’s hand and light a candle and speak vows all at the same time.

Children:
It’s much less scary if a child is kept informed of when, how and why. That way they know what they are supposed to do, they can get it wrong the first time and there should be no last minute nerves.

Scheduling:
Every single rehearsal includes a person that is late. Bank on it, and if you know who it is likely to be, tell them to arrive 15 minutes earlier than the actual time.

Take Care of Yourself:
Eat, sleep, drink plenty of water, don’t have vast amounts of alcohol the day before. The pictures will show you being tired and stressed, so we need you relaxed.

General Pre-Rehearsal Instructions:
Make sure everyone knows everyone else.
Introduce the bridal party to the Officiant.
Go through everything at least once or twice.
Provide snacks and drinks if the rehearsal is an hour or more inclusive of travel time. [little bottles of water and snack packs work well]
Bring matches.