Adrienne and Eric

Yesterday I had the pleasure of officiating at a surprise wedding by a beach. Bearing in mind that here in NH we have had about 8 sunny days in a month and the rest have been torrential downpour days, I was apprehensive of a beach location.
The weather gods were smiling down on us however, and the day was sunny, bright and cheerful.
The bride and groom had planned the whole thing as a cookout style party for their immediate family and the wedding was a secret.
We watched the faces of the guests as they arrived and then saw me in my robe next to Adrienne wearing a veil and holding a bouquet. I loved her outfit, almost a retro feel to the knee length dress in white with turquoise and her matching paper rose bouquet. This bride had STYLE! I loved it.
Tears were shed, hugs were given, Teddy the dog had her belly rubbed by me about 10 times…this couple had such love for each other and their families that no words, flowers, poetry or grand venues could have lived up to. The simplicity of the ceremony enhanced the joy and happiness that shone from them both at having found each other.
Congratulations Adrienne and Eric [and Teddy]!

Lots of fun to be had by all…..

The season has finally begun for me after somewhat of a slow start. I’ve already had quite a few changes to my schedule for various reasons. The weather has affected a lot of people and of course the other important climate; the economic one.

Brides are being choosier as to where they want to spend their money and more emphasis is being put on the ceremony and the emotive value of the actual marriage celebration. I think this is a good thing. Of course, I would. It’s very stressful for people who are putting together their own wedding. And I think the major issue is that it all seems so easy until you have to do it. The small things get you.

It’s one thing to book a caterer, but then you need to decide who goes where, what shape of table, what colour linens, what are we drinking, when are we drinking it etc, etc, etc. This is even true for a small home wedding. Just where is the best place for the food to go, and who is looking after it during the day?

Often the best wedding gift you can give is help. If you know the couple are planning a wedding themselves at home, just see if you can help in any way. Simple things that ease the pressure. It could be as easy as, I’ll make sure the plates on the buffet stay replenished, or I’ll stack bottles of water for those trying to stay hydrated in the hot sun. I’ve officiated at weddings where the bride is running around madly in her gown, and it’s almost a welcome breather when she gets to take time out for the ceremony.

If your budget allows for a wedding planner, I do recommend that you use one. If not, then why not ask a good friend or family member to be your planner and bounce ideas off each other. Remember to choose someone that you can argue with, preferably someone that is NOT contributing financially to the event. That way you avoid them feeling that they have the right to override your decisions. On the other hand, don’t treat them as a ‘wedding employee’. No bridezilla tactics allowed!

Chapel wedding in New London, NH

I was recently contacted by a very nice young couple who had planned a wedding, but had no officiant and only 2 weeks to go. I was available on the date that they needed. Unfortunately the bride wanted a rehearsal and I was fully booked the day before. New London is about an hour and a half away from me, so it would be a 4 hour turnaround for each day. I assured them that I could get them scripted well enough that they wouldn’t need me, but the bride became nervous. They offered to book me into a local inn for the night, but that didn’t work with my obligations. So, I calculated that if I only had 5 hours sleep, drove there, limited rehearsal time strictly to one hour, drove back, gathered my energies, drove the 40 miles in the opposite direction, I could make it to my next appointment with 15 minutes grace. Phew!

Of course, this is November and weather can be a nightmare. So fingers crossed! The day dawned with the promise of rain. November rain, the type that slows you down, makes visibility an issue and would mess up my plans entirely. I set out on my journey with a ‘Que Sera’ attitude, and plenty of bottled water. As luck would have it, New London is located such that I had to drive most of the time on my favourite stretch of road which is I-89. That road is truly a pleasure, fast, straight and not too busy. I arrived at the rehearsal, it went smoothly, I jumped in my car and headed back. I made it with 10 minutes to spare.

The next day was way more relaxed. Still raining, but no urgency, I had extra time to allow myself. I do have a unique style to my weddings which puzzles people until after the event. But everytime I complete the ceremony, the family come up to me and tell me how wonderful it was. I like to create a focus of the couple being centre stage, but also to make the ceremony intimate to the guests, as if they are right there with them. No matter how many guests there are, it always works well. Basically it boils down to me having the atmosphere of them standing in front of their family to make their vows, rather than in front of me and the family as witnesses.

All went well, and the entire chapel was filled with sniffles as they gave their personal vows to each other. Personal, heartfelt and sincere words are the best vows that can be made. I had to pause for a breath before continuing after watching this couple pour out their hearts to each other. All in all, I was very glad that I made the effort to help the bride feel better on the day. And she was stunning. Even better, the groom and his groomsmen all wore suits and Chucky T’s. LOL..

As promised..the Tarot Card Wedding Vows

The tarot card table layout on a moss runner

hanging tapestries

I would like to welcome you all here today for a very special occasion.
The creation of a new power in the universe by the joining in marriage of Christina and Brian.
As you know this union has been fated to take place on a night when the moon and the sun share the same place in our sky.
Throughout history Solar eclipses have been seen as momentous happenings, and it is only fitting that such an event be used to mark this joyous occasion.
People from all cultures have evolved their own beliefs around eclipses. Before their occurrence could be accurately predicted, it must have seemed an amazing random celestial event. No wonder it inspired imaginations,  especially in Egypt.

The Egyptian sun god Ra, traveled across the sky in his sun boat, and at night he passed through the underworld, greeting the dead and facing many dangers. Ra’s daily cycle was more than a journey, though—it was a daily rebirth. Dawn saw the newborn sun god rise in the sky. During the morning he was a child, at noon he was mature, and by sunset he was an old man ready for death. Each sunrise was a celebration of the god’s return, a victory of life over the forces of death and darkness. They worshipped the Sun with daily prayer.

“Thou risest in heaven’s horizon , and thy disk is adored when it resteth upon the mountain to give life unto the world.
Thou risest, thou risest, and thou comest forth from the god Nun. Thou dost renew thy youth and thou dost set thyself in the place where thou wast yesterday . O thou divine child, who didst create thyself, I am unable to describe thee.”

Christina and Brian welcomed with joy the rebirth of the Sun today, as it heralded the beginning of a new phase in their lives, one in which they shall move forward together. Each day they will rise with the Sun and each day shall their love be renewed. Their marriage will be as a new child that they are blessed with each morning and nurture through to the day’s end.

In keeping with the portents and omens that the solar eclipse inspires, we are sharing Christina and Brian’s vows with you in a unique fashion, with a reading of cards.

Our first card is the Sun which signifies power and genesis. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to work together to create a powerful marriage, to nurture that which is creative and to support each other in your endeavors?
B&C We do
Our second card is the Hanged Man which signifies transcendence and evolution. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to work together to overcome difficulties, to forgive small mistakes and use your life experiences in the evolution of your marriage?
B&C We do
Our third card is Strength which signifies endurance and fortitude. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to be strong for each other in all things. In sickness, and in health, through good times and bad?
B&C We do
Our fourth card is the Wheel of Fortune which signifies the cycles of life and fate. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to grow with the cycles of your lives together, to learn from each other, and to accept that life is not always easy and straightforward, but throws challenges to you to test your love?
B&C We do
Our fifth card is the Fool which signifies the exploring wanderer. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to give each other the dignity of growing and evolving as an individual, for although you are one couple, you are two bodies and two minds.?
B&C We do
Our sixth card is Judgment which signifies awakening and metamorphosis. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to help each other during difficult times. To make good decisions and to sometimes admit that the other is right?
B&C We do
Our seventh card is the Moon which signifies  lunacy and delusion. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to each guide the other and offer a shoulder to cry on when everything seems bleak, and two arms to lift each other up when you are down?
B&C We do
Our last card is the Star which signifies the celestial. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to treat each day together as a gift, to let your love shine brightly and to stand as a beacon of togetherness?
B&C We do
Do we have the rings?
Brian place ring on Christina’s hand..
“with this ring I promise you the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and a world filled with love as my wife”

Christina place ring on Brian’s hand..
“with this ring I promise you the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and a world filled with love as my Husband”

Closing

In much of the world it is still common practice to make
noise to frighten away whatever is attacking the Sun or Moon.
It’s common to yell, chant, bang pots, and shoot into the air during an eclipse. Today we are going to make noise at the Eclipse to let the universe know that Christina and Brian are now amongst the forces to be reckoned with. Individually strong, but together; unstoppable.
By the power vested in me by the State of New Hampshire, I now declare you husband and wife.
You make kiss the bride.
I present  to you Mr and Mrs L
Lets make some noise!

Bride and Groom

Two days….

The countdown begins. What are things that I have to organize today?

Well, my robe is cleaned and hanging in a protective bag. My shoes are cleaned and in their protective bag. My spare shoes are cleaned, and my third pair for muddy conditions are packed also. Pants and shirt are ready. I will, of course check these about 50 times before the wedding.

The vows are printed and placed in my book for the ceremony. My music stand is ready and decorated for the outdoor wedding [i use it as a bookholder], my PA system has fresh batteries and is set for the approximate sound quality to save time at the rehearsal.

My suit and shoes are ready for the rehearsal. Not too formal as it helps people relax if I am a little casual, but formal enough that I can get their attention and have them listen to me on such an exciting occasion.

The mapquest directions are printed and in a file along with copies of all the conversations that we have ever had. Drafts of other vows are included to allow for last minute changes if needed. PDA is loaded with examples of vows.

Contact numbers and cell information of the bride, groom and a third person at the wedding are printed and in the file. Everything has two copies stored separately in my Palm and on paper..double indemnity.

Umbrella, pins, pens, glue, first aid kit, Tide pen, tissues, aspirin, bottles of water? Check.

Digital camera, several sets of batteries, packed and easy to get to. Fanny pack for storing said items under robe.

Bug spray, hair products, mirror, spare ring pillow, white ribbons, candles, matches, hmmm…am I forgetting anything?

Decorative wedding certificate, after wedding instruction letter, printed decorative copy of vows. License information, copy of contract, I think that does it…

Who said it only takes 20 minutes to perform a wedding? Phew!

Wedding in Lynch Park…

I’m pretty excited right now as I have a wedding this weekend in a park in Beverly, MA. Very pretty location with a rose garden and great views.

Go here for more information on Lynch Park.

This couple were extremely easy to get along with. The vows only took 3 revisions and were well received. I like park weddings when the ceremony is in a set place, such as this rose garden. The space is well defined and easy to locate. It’s impossible to have bad photos [even the bad ones look good], even if it rains…the natural beauty of the setting leads to a very relaxed ceremony. The guests are free to move around if they have to, and small children don’t feel so confined.

The weather forecast says there’s 30% chance of precipitation, so my trust brolly gets to go with me. The good thing about a robe is that I can layer up underneath it and it still looks the same. Bad thing..it’s black and in the height of summer, I bake.

The rehearsal is on Saturday, with a dinner afterwards at the Victoria Station in Salem, MA. I love that place. Their salad bar is excellent! The wedding is on Sunday. I don’t usually stay for the reception. Several reasons; one thing is that I don’t see why the couple should have to pay for another person at an event that is already expensive, sometimes two people if my husband is driving me. The second is that I am a relative stranger to most of the couples, having met and corresponded only on the subject of their ceremony. It just doesn’t feel right to include myself into a personal celebration. The exception to this are of course buffet lunches, and beach weddings. If it’s a free for all style reception, I will stay as invited for a little while. To hear the speeches etc. The high point of my day is the ‘you may kiss the bride’ part…when the couple breathes that huge sigh of relief and get ready for the hugs. I like to leave on a high note.

Oh..on that note…for those planning your wedding and parking etc. Please make sure no-one blocks in the officiants vehicle. Many times I have had to interrupt a song at the reception to have an announcement made to move cars to let me out…now I put a sign on my vehicle ‘Minister – Do NOT block in’ It makes sense that everyone else is staying longer than me, but I am one of the first to arrive.

The readings…

It’s good to include readings into your wedding ceremony, whether it’s a religious or secular style of wedding doesn’t really matter. Obviously for those of specific religious beliefs who are having a traditional ceremony may not have too much choice when it comes to the wording. But for others there is a wealth of variety available.

From the classic inclusion of love poems :

Love
by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

And in Life’s noisiest hour,
There whispers still the ceaseless Love of Thee,
The heart’s Self-solace and soliloquy.
You mould my Hopes, you fashion me within ;
And to the leading Love-throb in the Heart
Thro’ all my Being, thro’ my pulse’s beat ;
You lie in all my many Thoughts, like Light,
Like the fair light of Dawn, or summer Eve
On rippling Stream, or cloud-reflecting Lake.
And looking to the Heaven, that bends above you,
How oft! I bless the Lot that made me love you.

to the unique custom written vows for a ‘haunted’ wedding in October….

Thrice the brinded cat hath mew’d.
Thrice and once the hedge-pig whined.
Harpier cries ‘Tis time, ’tis time.

Round about the cauldron go;
In the poison’d entrails throw.
Toad, that under cold stone
Days and nights has thirty-one
Swelter’d venom sleeping got,
Boil thou first i’ the charmed pot.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.

Then……

---

greet guests………

Welcome all you witches and ghouls

who have gathered here for these fools

They wish to share their immortal love with you

And pledge to always stay true

---

turn to father of bride….

Who unlocks the dungeon door

Has wiped away the ghastly gore

Who loves his daughter to the core

But just can’t stand her anymore…

---

father hands over bride…..with kiss

---

Now turn together so you may see

The person you promise to love for eternity

Personal vows….

Do you Jesse, King of the Porcelain Throne

promise to make Janice’s inner beauty shown

all her dreams and wishes shall be known

To take care of her forever in your home

I so promise….

Do you Janice, Dancer within the lights

promise to occasionally lose a fight

Help to answer the babies cries at night

and to make sure Jesse does what is right?

I so promise….

---

These rings you take are not to bind
But to show you are of like mind
To have and hold from this night on
In madness and in raging fun
Take these now and show the throng
How love of each other has made you strong.

Repeat after me…
Come one, come all as spirits roam
And witness love brought to our home
On Hallows night our vows are made
In brightest light and darkest shade
Dance madly to the sounds of ghouls
And witness once again these fools.

---

By power given to me today
By states of this fair USA
By those who wed and stand here now
I accept that these two made their vow
And stand before you for all to see
Husband and Wife in merry glee

Come you all to witness this
The final sealing with a kiss
In death as well as in this life
I now declare you man and wife!

Ladies, gentlemen, Witches, ghouls
I now present these merry fools!
Mr and Mrs…………..

………..the possibilities are endless.

Here’s some points to note:

• don’t ask a soft spoken person to read
• don’t ask a nervous person to stand up in front of a crowd
• don’t expect a child to get it perfectly right
• make it appropriate to the venue and theme
• make it non-offensive to differing faiths and belief systems
• make it truly reflect what you are trying to say to your beloved
• use other people to read when you don’t want to say a lot yourself
• vary the readings to include people you couldn’t fit into the wedding party
• don’t choose a parent unless you choose them all
• ditto for choosing children
• don’t make them long and redundant
• enjoy the time and pauses in the ceremony to take a breath.

Basic civil ceremony

Basic Civil Ceremony [1]

Repeat after me), [name] I take you to be my lawfully wedding
(husband/wife).

Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for
You, as long as we both shall live.

I take you, with all your faults and your strengths,
as I offer myself to you with my faults and my
strengths.

I will help you when you need help,
and I will turn to you when I need help.

I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my
life.

Basic Civil Ceremony [2]

Will you please, as an expression that your hearts are
joined together in love, now join your hands.

[Groom's name], do you take [Bride's name] to be your
wedded wife, to live together in marriage.
Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honour and
keep her
For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness
and health
And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her.
So long as you both shall live?
[Groom]: “I do”
[Bride's name], do you take [Groom's name] to be your
wedded husband to live together in marriage
Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honour and
keep him
For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness
and health
And forsaking all others, be faithful only to him
So long as you both shall live?
[Bride]: “ I do”

You can choose one ceremony – or combine the two [ works well] and/or add personally written vows if you would like.

Fighting those wedding day jitters….

The importance of rehearsals

Most weddings follow the same basic outline, but can be varied to suit the needs and wishes of the parties involved, the space you are working with and the time you want to spend on the ceremony.

BASIC CEREMONY
Here is a rough outline for a traditional 5-part Ceremony, that I give to all my couples to help them get a feel for what to expect.

1.) WELCOME
2.) PRESENTATIONS
3.) VOWS
4.) RINGS
5.) CLOSING

Things I need to know as the officiant.
Are you walking down the aisle to your groom?
If so, who is walking you, are you having an ‘who gives this woman’ in your ceremony?
Do you want the officiant to walk down the aisle, or to be waiting at the altar?
What are the groom’s duties en route to the altar?
Are the ushers/groomsmen/groom having to seat anyone? Mothers?
Where will your flower girl/ring bearer go once they reach the altar?
Are there to be readings, poems, presentations, if so by whom, to whom and when?
Do I know your plans?

The Rehearsal

About the Rehearsal:
Everyone should make an effort to be at the rehearsal. It gives you an idea of what the actual space will allow you to do. For instance if your dress has a train that is several feet long, the spacing needs to be adjusted so that no-one stands on it. If the bridesmaids have big gown skirting, there needs to be enough space at the altar that allows them to stand without crushing each other. If you have standing room for 6 at the altar, don’t plan on 12 in the wedding party!

Absences:
If you know that someone cannot attend the rehearsal, appoint a stand-in who will participate in the rehearsal and get them to take notes and pass them on to the person taking part in the ceremony. That way, you don’t have that one lost person on the big day.

Wedding Coordinator:
If you have decided not to hire a wedding coordinator, nominate a member of your family who is NOT in the processional to stand with the bridal party and cue them to move down the aisle at the appropriate times. It’s a good idea to include this person in the rehearsals also.

Bring Props:
Bring things with you like fake bouquets, the candles [positioning to not set your hair alight is a good thing] That way you can see what it feels like to try and hold flowers, your dress, the rings, your loved one’s hand and light a candle and speak vows all at the same time.

Children:
It’s much less scary if a child is kept informed of when, how and why. That way they know what they are supposed to do, they can get it wrong the first time and there should be no last minute nerves.

Scheduling:
Every single rehearsal includes a person that is late. Bank on it, and if you know who it is likely to be, tell them to arrive 15 minutes earlier than the actual time.

Take Care of Yourself:
Eat, sleep, drink plenty of water, don’t have vast amounts of alcohol the day before. The pictures will show you being tired and stressed, so we need you relaxed.

General Pre-Rehearsal Instructions:
Make sure everyone knows everyone else.
Introduce the bridal party to the Officiant.
Go through everything at least once or twice.
Provide snacks and drinks if the rehearsal is an hour or more inclusive of travel time. [little bottles of water and snack packs work well]
Bring matches.