Adrienne and Eric

Yesterday I had the pleasure of officiating at a surprise wedding by a beach. Bearing in mind that here in NH we have had about 8 sunny days in a month and the rest have been torrential downpour days, I was apprehensive of a beach location.
The weather gods were smiling down on us however, and the day was sunny, bright and cheerful.
The bride and groom had planned the whole thing as a cookout style party for their immediate family and the wedding was a secret.
We watched the faces of the guests as they arrived and then saw me in my robe next to Adrienne wearing a veil and holding a bouquet. I loved her outfit, almost a retro feel to the knee length dress in white with turquoise and her matching paper rose bouquet. This bride had STYLE! I loved it.
Tears were shed, hugs were given, Teddy the dog had her belly rubbed by me about 10 times…this couple had such love for each other and their families that no words, flowers, poetry or grand venues could have lived up to. The simplicity of the ceremony enhanced the joy and happiness that shone from them both at having found each other.
Congratulations Adrienne and Eric [and Teddy]!

Gearing up for 2009

So the season is now beginning. I’ve had lots of inquiries about weddings but mostly they seem to be a couple of years away. It does seem to be normal that I get booking a couple of years in advance, which sometimes can be difficult to price. On one memorable event I had moved away from the area and ended up driving 200 miles to perform a 50 dollar ceremony! As you can imagine, it cost me more than I made, but the commitment had been made to this couple and was kept. It was a sweet little wedding and i am happy that I kept the booking.
This year I do have a handfasting with a sand ceremony booked for the Cathedral of the Pines in Rindge, NH. It’s a stunning location and I have been looking forward to this all year.
Everyone seems to be having difficulties making ends meet in this economy. My suggestion is to keep things as simple as you can. Gifts should be of a more practical nature and maybe those 50 dollar favours can be downgraded to the 5 dollar ones. Of course the other option is to plan way further in advance and that gives you much more time to gather resources and lock in prices. Don’t be too proud to accept help from family and friends. Have a home wedding with a caterer from a local deli or eatery for a much cheaper price than renting a venue and having formal dining. Buffet hot plates work really well and you can have staff serve the guests if you don’t want the buffet experience. Contact a local catering college and see if they have students interested in earning some money as cooks or wait staff. It’s good for them and it’s great for you.
In New England there are a lot of little chapels anc churches that can be rented for the ceremony at very reasonable prices, so you can have your great photographs and your still go back to your home catered reception. Be creative. Have fun. Get married!

A cute home wedding.

Last weekend I received a call from a young lady who was thinking of getting married ‘in the next few days’. she asked that I call her back. We played phone tag for a while, and when I eventually reached her she explained that they just wanted to get married with no or minimal fuss. I asked a few vital questions. Do you know what you want to say? No, just bring whatever you usually do. Do you want a civil or religious? Well, the grooms parents are Baptists, so we’ll have a religious ceremony please. What day? Wednesday. What time? Noon. Do you have your license? Yes. Okay, see you then.

How easy was that? I wish they all went that way.

I arrived at the parents home early to have the couple look over the ceremony that I had written for them. They were very calm and both approved the ceremony with no changes required. Introductions were made. We chose an indoor location as it was very, very, very cold outside. Gotta love New England in November. Father of the groom took photos of the 5 people in the room. I waited until everyone was settled. Couple were in front of a fireplace decorated with wedding balloons. The ceremony began and when it came to the vows, the bride shed a few tears. We paused for her groom to comfort her and I always encourage hugs. Concluded the ceremony, and everyone was happy. I gave them a printed copy of their vows on rose paper, for scrapbooking or framing purposes. And that was that!

For a hassle free wedding at very low cost, they were just as married as the couples spending thousands. A very smart move in todays economy. And a very nice couple with a great future ahead of them. Location? Hollis, NH. Beautifully decorated NE house with an antique sled as a coffee table and surrounded by loving parents. Nice.

Chapel wedding in New London, NH

I was recently contacted by a very nice young couple who had planned a wedding, but had no officiant and only 2 weeks to go. I was available on the date that they needed. Unfortunately the bride wanted a rehearsal and I was fully booked the day before. New London is about an hour and a half away from me, so it would be a 4 hour turnaround for each day. I assured them that I could get them scripted well enough that they wouldn’t need me, but the bride became nervous. They offered to book me into a local inn for the night, but that didn’t work with my obligations. So, I calculated that if I only had 5 hours sleep, drove there, limited rehearsal time strictly to one hour, drove back, gathered my energies, drove the 40 miles in the opposite direction, I could make it to my next appointment with 15 minutes grace. Phew!

Of course, this is November and weather can be a nightmare. So fingers crossed! The day dawned with the promise of rain. November rain, the type that slows you down, makes visibility an issue and would mess up my plans entirely. I set out on my journey with a ‘Que Sera’ attitude, and plenty of bottled water. As luck would have it, New London is located such that I had to drive most of the time on my favourite stretch of road which is I-89. That road is truly a pleasure, fast, straight and not too busy. I arrived at the rehearsal, it went smoothly, I jumped in my car and headed back. I made it with 10 minutes to spare.

The next day was way more relaxed. Still raining, but no urgency, I had extra time to allow myself. I do have a unique style to my weddings which puzzles people until after the event. But everytime I complete the ceremony, the family come up to me and tell me how wonderful it was. I like to create a focus of the couple being centre stage, but also to make the ceremony intimate to the guests, as if they are right there with them. No matter how many guests there are, it always works well. Basically it boils down to me having the atmosphere of them standing in front of their family to make their vows, rather than in front of me and the family as witnesses.

All went well, and the entire chapel was filled with sniffles as they gave their personal vows to each other. Personal, heartfelt and sincere words are the best vows that can be made. I had to pause for a breath before continuing after watching this couple pour out their hearts to each other. All in all, I was very glad that I made the effort to help the bride feel better on the day. And she was stunning. Even better, the groom and his groomsmen all wore suits and Chucky T’s. LOL..

As promised..the Tarot Card Wedding Vows

The tarot card table layout on a moss runner

hanging tapestries

I would like to welcome you all here today for a very special occasion.
The creation of a new power in the universe by the joining in marriage of Christina and Brian.
As you know this union has been fated to take place on a night when the moon and the sun share the same place in our sky.
Throughout history Solar eclipses have been seen as momentous happenings, and it is only fitting that such an event be used to mark this joyous occasion.
People from all cultures have evolved their own beliefs around eclipses. Before their occurrence could be accurately predicted, it must have seemed an amazing random celestial event. No wonder it inspired imaginations,  especially in Egypt.

The Egyptian sun god Ra, traveled across the sky in his sun boat, and at night he passed through the underworld, greeting the dead and facing many dangers. Ra’s daily cycle was more than a journey, though—it was a daily rebirth. Dawn saw the newborn sun god rise in the sky. During the morning he was a child, at noon he was mature, and by sunset he was an old man ready for death. Each sunrise was a celebration of the god’s return, a victory of life over the forces of death and darkness. They worshipped the Sun with daily prayer.

“Thou risest in heaven’s horizon , and thy disk is adored when it resteth upon the mountain to give life unto the world.
Thou risest, thou risest, and thou comest forth from the god Nun. Thou dost renew thy youth and thou dost set thyself in the place where thou wast yesterday . O thou divine child, who didst create thyself, I am unable to describe thee.”

Christina and Brian welcomed with joy the rebirth of the Sun today, as it heralded the beginning of a new phase in their lives, one in which they shall move forward together. Each day they will rise with the Sun and each day shall their love be renewed. Their marriage will be as a new child that they are blessed with each morning and nurture through to the day’s end.

In keeping with the portents and omens that the solar eclipse inspires, we are sharing Christina and Brian’s vows with you in a unique fashion, with a reading of cards.

Our first card is the Sun which signifies power and genesis. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to work together to create a powerful marriage, to nurture that which is creative and to support each other in your endeavors?
B&C We do
Our second card is the Hanged Man which signifies transcendence and evolution. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to work together to overcome difficulties, to forgive small mistakes and use your life experiences in the evolution of your marriage?
B&C We do
Our third card is Strength which signifies endurance and fortitude. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to be strong for each other in all things. In sickness, and in health, through good times and bad?
B&C We do
Our fourth card is the Wheel of Fortune which signifies the cycles of life and fate. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to grow with the cycles of your lives together, to learn from each other, and to accept that life is not always easy and straightforward, but throws challenges to you to test your love?
B&C We do
Our fifth card is the Fool which signifies the exploring wanderer. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to give each other the dignity of growing and evolving as an individual, for although you are one couple, you are two bodies and two minds.?
B&C We do
Our sixth card is Judgment which signifies awakening and metamorphosis. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to help each other during difficult times. To make good decisions and to sometimes admit that the other is right?
B&C We do
Our seventh card is the Moon which signifies  lunacy and delusion. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to each guide the other and offer a shoulder to cry on when everything seems bleak, and two arms to lift each other up when you are down?
B&C We do
Our last card is the Star which signifies the celestial. Do you Brian and Christina, promise to treat each day together as a gift, to let your love shine brightly and to stand as a beacon of togetherness?
B&C We do
Do we have the rings?
Brian place ring on Christina’s hand..
“with this ring I promise you the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and a world filled with love as my wife”

Christina place ring on Brian’s hand..
“with this ring I promise you the Sun, the Moon, the Stars and a world filled with love as my Husband”

Closing

In much of the world it is still common practice to make
noise to frighten away whatever is attacking the Sun or Moon.
It’s common to yell, chant, bang pots, and shoot into the air during an eclipse. Today we are going to make noise at the Eclipse to let the universe know that Christina and Brian are now amongst the forces to be reckoned with. Individually strong, but together; unstoppable.
By the power vested in me by the State of New Hampshire, I now declare you husband and wife.
You make kiss the bride.
I present  to you Mr and Mrs L
Lets make some noise!

Bride and Groom

The wedding…

Oh thank goodness! The bride was radiant, the groom as charming as ever, the groomsmen delightful to spend time with at the altar. Beautiful, beautiful people.

I deliberately stayed away from the throng, to avoid a repeat of the mass input of the rehearsal. Several of the guests sought me out, and asked questions, but anything presented with good manners is always accepted. The were all good questions, and hopefully helped by my answers.

I told the groom when to view his bride, and asked him what he had done to deserve such a beautiful woman, it must have been something really good.

His face glowed with pride and love as she walked towards us..the bridesmaids had tears for her beauty, and they were well deserved.

The rain stayed away even thought the clouds darkened the sky. The ocean boiled, and the wind whipped up…but still the raindrops dared not fall on the beauty of this bride.

Regardless of the stresses involved, it was truly an honour to be present at this occasion. This is what this job is all about…

The rehearsal…

It was a little stressful, as rehearsals tend to be. The worst mistake people make is not thinking about what they would like before they get there. Even after a lot of questions and answers, there are a lot of things to decide.

Who is in the wedding party? What’s going to happen with mom’s? How many parents are there? Do they talk to each other? Are they being escorted?

Flower girl? Ring bearer? Groomsmen, Bridesmaids? Maid of Honour?

In this case, nothing was certain. There were certainly a lot of opinions. All valid. A suggestion when planning your rehearsal. Choose who is making the decisions…bride and groom are good choices for this. For the bride…be nice! For the groom, step up, make some decisions and help out your bride!

Too much input = chaos = costs you more for my time. You get one hour.

The logistics of the venue are explored for the first time. It’s actually a good idea to visit the site a couple of times prior to the rehearsal and walk the space when it’s not costing you money to do so. Add to that the time spent for everyone else. Outdoor venue? Check where the wind comes from…it may not be the prettiest spot, but it could be the best…photos can be taken at any location.

Today’s rehearsal took almost 2 hours…so that made it 4 hours input today. Doesn’t seem like much, but it’s half a working day, flat rate payment. Not hourly. The bride and groom were charming, but that could not be said of all people. My husband was watching from the sidelines and being in a park, was not perceived as being involved. The comments from one ‘gentleman’ made his blood boil to the point of us bowing out of the planned meal afterward. This person criticized the little ‘brochures’ that I made free of charge, which explained what happens at a rehearsal and outlined the customized ceremony of the day. The same person charged off in my direction claiming that the flower girl and ring bearer should link arms to process and I was ignorant. Once he got to me, he was received with a polite ‘no’. How may I ask does the child scatter flowers whilst carrying a basket and being link armed with another? He did not retreat in his insistence. I don’t even know who this person was. I was not introduced and have no clue.

His hostility increased as the rehearsal progressed to the point of hampering the proceedings. One child was out of synch when he practised and he yelled at me for that too! I was not feeling happy when I left. Such a shame. The couple are awesome and deserve all happiness. I am determined not to let it influence me for the wedding. I felt upset mainly because I am the Minister, not a wedding planner or organizer. The officiant does not ‘plan’ the seating, the music etc…but often is expected to do all this as the officiant, but at the same charge as a JP, or much much less than a church wedding.

This ‘gentleman’ was annoyed as he expected me to organize everything..not my job unfortunately. However, I should have refused to do it, rather than my kindhearted attempt to help them out. It’s clearly stated in my contract. His challenging comments and loud criticisms threw me off my stride, I didn’t expect to get heckled. Still don’t know who he was. Then he lectured me on the wedding party being ‘not balanced’ from a photography point of view..Okay, I didn’t invite them, there were 2 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids, how could I change that?

Tough day.

Two days….

The countdown begins. What are things that I have to organize today?

Well, my robe is cleaned and hanging in a protective bag. My shoes are cleaned and in their protective bag. My spare shoes are cleaned, and my third pair for muddy conditions are packed also. Pants and shirt are ready. I will, of course check these about 50 times before the wedding.

The vows are printed and placed in my book for the ceremony. My music stand is ready and decorated for the outdoor wedding [i use it as a bookholder], my PA system has fresh batteries and is set for the approximate sound quality to save time at the rehearsal.

My suit and shoes are ready for the rehearsal. Not too formal as it helps people relax if I am a little casual, but formal enough that I can get their attention and have them listen to me on such an exciting occasion.

The mapquest directions are printed and in a file along with copies of all the conversations that we have ever had. Drafts of other vows are included to allow for last minute changes if needed. PDA is loaded with examples of vows.

Contact numbers and cell information of the bride, groom and a third person at the wedding are printed and in the file. Everything has two copies stored separately in my Palm and on paper..double indemnity.

Umbrella, pins, pens, glue, first aid kit, Tide pen, tissues, aspirin, bottles of water? Check.

Digital camera, several sets of batteries, packed and easy to get to. Fanny pack for storing said items under robe.

Bug spray, hair products, mirror, spare ring pillow, white ribbons, candles, matches, hmmm…am I forgetting anything?

Decorative wedding certificate, after wedding instruction letter, printed decorative copy of vows. License information, copy of contract, I think that does it…

Who said it only takes 20 minutes to perform a wedding? Phew!

Wedding in Lynch Park…

I’m pretty excited right now as I have a wedding this weekend in a park in Beverly, MA. Very pretty location with a rose garden and great views.

Go here for more information on Lynch Park.

This couple were extremely easy to get along with. The vows only took 3 revisions and were well received. I like park weddings when the ceremony is in a set place, such as this rose garden. The space is well defined and easy to locate. It’s impossible to have bad photos [even the bad ones look good], even if it rains…the natural beauty of the setting leads to a very relaxed ceremony. The guests are free to move around if they have to, and small children don’t feel so confined.

The weather forecast says there’s 30% chance of precipitation, so my trust brolly gets to go with me. The good thing about a robe is that I can layer up underneath it and it still looks the same. Bad thing..it’s black and in the height of summer, I bake.

The rehearsal is on Saturday, with a dinner afterwards at the Victoria Station in Salem, MA. I love that place. Their salad bar is excellent! The wedding is on Sunday. I don’t usually stay for the reception. Several reasons; one thing is that I don’t see why the couple should have to pay for another person at an event that is already expensive, sometimes two people if my husband is driving me. The second is that I am a relative stranger to most of the couples, having met and corresponded only on the subject of their ceremony. It just doesn’t feel right to include myself into a personal celebration. The exception to this are of course buffet lunches, and beach weddings. If it’s a free for all style reception, I will stay as invited for a little while. To hear the speeches etc. The high point of my day is the ‘you may kiss the bride’ part…when the couple breathes that huge sigh of relief and get ready for the hugs. I like to leave on a high note.

Oh..on that note…for those planning your wedding and parking etc. Please make sure no-one blocks in the officiants vehicle. Many times I have had to interrupt a song at the reception to have an announcement made to move cars to let me out…now I put a sign on my vehicle ‘Minister – Do NOT block in’ It makes sense that everyone else is staying longer than me, but I am one of the first to arrive.

Using a program…

Not all couples like to include a program of their ceremony and wedding day, but it really does add a nice touch and helps your guests keep up with what is happening and when.

They can be printed professionally or even made by the couple themselves on a good word manipulating software….I would use a brochure template…that way you can add photos and little tidbits of information. HP and Microsoft are among providers who have templates for free download on their websites. Avery printing products also provide some that will match their stationery and printer supplies to make it even easier for you. Most templates have mock layouts and you can just replace items with your own information.

Things to include…

Obviously the first page should announce the couples names, the venue, the date and all the relevant celebratory designs.  Then identify the officiant, the members of the wedding party, parents of the couple and anyone taking part in the ceremony or readings etc.

It’s also a nice touch to include a list of the music being used for the ceremony, and their traditional usage. If small rituals such as candles or sand ceremonies are included, a brief explanation of the symbolism is informative and memorable.

You can even include a copy of readings or vows in the program, it’s completely up to you.

Have them given out by ushers or leave them in an ‘help yourself’ container, such as a box or basket by the entrance.

If there are parts of the ceremony that all the guests take part in, the program is an ideal spot to have them informed, prepped and aware of the timing and expectations.

Like all parts of your special day, it is totally dependent upon your taste, your theme, your budget and your creativity. If you need any help or advice about creating a program outline contact me. I’ll be glad to help.